Patience makes the heart grow fonder. Really, its true. Think about the last time you became frustrated and did not remain calm. Think about all the feelings and emotions you had. All negative, right? Not a lot of love being felt in that moment, is there? Now, think of a time you chose to be patient and it paid off. It gave you a chance to slow down. It gave you a chance to focus. It gave you a chance to be in the current moment rather than the one coming up. It allowed you to possibly relish in the accomplishment of your child getting that shoe tied or zipping up that jacket. My biggest obstacle to patience is most often feeling rushed (or on a schedule) or when I am multitasking either in my head or physically.
So what happens when I stop and live in the moment? The world around me becomes a lot more peaceful. The world around me becomes a lot more manageable. And I get to love my kids a little bit more because they are not annoying or frustrating me. After all, we are a family, and right now, we have to be there for each other. And in ten years, I am still going to want to be seen as a safe haven, not as the mom who got mad about everything, and my kids are glad to be away from home.
So, being that I am often an impatient person, how do I transition into a patient person? Step by step, one day at a time. First, I have to limit my activities and make flowing plans that allow plenty of time for patience. I tend to get rigid in my plans. I also have to give my kids plenty of time to give me what I need from them. When the bedtime routine starts an hour early, it allows for flexibility and not feeling rushed. When we have to head out, getting the kids ready early allows me time to get everything else ready without worrying about them.
Understanding that my son has interests that I do not share, and they are just as valuable as my own interests, allows me to practice grace when he does not respond the first time. It means I change my approach that is more suited to the moment. I don't yell from the other room it is time to eat and expect immediate compliance. Instead, I head in there 5-10 minutes before dinner is ready and have a conversation with eye contact (and ask that the game or tv be paused if applicable) and say find a stopping point because dinner is almost ready. And then I am also prepared to remind him a few minutes later, before it is time to sit down.
Patience is also gentle reminders of responsibilities that have not been taken care of, realizing even adults often forget what they were going to do when they walk into a room. Should I really expect more from my child? Lowering expectations so they are more realistic with who our children are can make a really big difference. Giving them second and even third chances to come through means we understand how easy it is to get wrapped up in something else and forget. Don't we all do that at least sometimes?
I write these things here as lessons learned. I have not always been that way. I am still not that way all the time...truthfully, I have a long way to go. Baby steps. The greatest thing about a new day is every day I get to try and make it better than the day before. Even if the only difference is I take an extra couple of breaths in the heat of the moment...just enough to remember I want my home to feel safe and be a place of love...not tension and stress. After all, that is all it usually takes is a gentle reminder of where I want to be, and patience suddenly starts to fill up inside of me.
So how has being patient been a positive force in your home? How has it made a difference? What are your tricks to being a more patient person?
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