Have you ever been to Pinterest? I love looking at all the cool pins. I see delicious looking recipes, great exercise ideas, beautiful decorating ideas, creative homeschooling ideas, simple craft ideas, and Cub Scout ideas. I can get lost in looking at all the things other people have done and then want to do them all. I try to be selective of the things I choose to pin to my wall. I really want to try them out. And sometimes I do. More often, I don't.
It is kind of like looking through magazines and earmarking all the pages that catch your eye. And then never opening the magazine again.
I just get too busy with day-today life that I can't even begin to do all the things I want to.
I guess I need to schedule my time better. I need to plan better. I need to be proactive. And then maybe I could be the next Martha Stewart.
The truth is my kids are not yet adventurous eaters, so the recipes around here are fairly routine. They are just as happy crafting with plain paper and paint, markers, or crayons as doing a planned project, and it is easier to get out and clean up. They are not necessarily more enriched from doing all the activities. They do it for a few minutes and move on. I am not currently in a place to put all the decorating ideas into place. Even if I were, I would have to get creative in order to afford some of the looks I have been drawn to. And most of the Cub Scout ideas don't work too well for a small den. When I try to exercise, I always get interrupted, so I end up having to incorporate it into activities with the kids. Now that I have begun unschooling, a lot of the homeschool ideas seem irrelevant at this point.
That is the downfall to a site like Pinterest. As great as it is at organizing wonderful ideas, you still have to make the time and put in the effort to make them happen. And it is easy to become envious because we see all these great ideas, and we are not doing them. Forget the fact there are a million people on the site and all the ideas were done by different people...not all the same person. And even if several ideas came from the same site, they were likely done over a long period of time. It is easy to allow ourselves to believe we are not doing enough and we should be doing more...just see what everyone else is doing!!! Just another form of keeping up with the Joneses. Another way of telling ourselves we are inadequate in the kitchen or as a parent or as a homemaker.
The truth is all we really need to do in our homes is provide the basics of nutritious food, clothes, shelter, love, and strong relationships. We are social beings, and relationships are what make or break people. If we are fostering those, all the rest is just fluff. Sometimes fluff is nice. Sometimes it just gets in the way. So are all the great ideas you have found out there complimenting your life or complicating your life? If they are causing stress or causing you to think you are failing at an imaginary standard, it may be time to cut them out of the picture and focusing on the little things that matter, like early morning snuggles and late-night movie night with the kids and spouse. Now those are things I can do!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Two peas in a pod...sort of
I got a visit from my dad yesterday. We sat down in my living room and chatted for all of fifteen minutes. Then I heard a noise from the bathroom. Uh oh, what was she getting into now? I rushed to the bathroom only to see my daughter try to figure out how to get the nail polish off her nails. She had managed to get a hold of my red nail polish and paint all her nails...and toes. She also got it a few other places. I have to give her credit for trying several things to solve her problem. Towels, toys, hand sanitizer. All while being very quiet. This has to be why parents love the open floor plan so much. You notice these little disasters before they get out of hand. Luckily, I got most of the polish off of everything. But this story has left its permanent mark and will be remembered for years to come....
This is my daughter most days. She is independent and wants to do everything self, whether she should be doing it or not. I thought my days of safety locks were over. My son never did things like this, so I never had to worry. He was consistent in what he got into, and it was always the things that I was ok with him getting into. If she wants something, and I don't get it for her, or I am taking too long, she finds a way to do it herself, even if it means climbing furniture. I'm going to have to anchor everything to the wall. My son did not climb things, so I never had to worry. I have to keep a life vest on my daughter around the water because she will just jump in. My son had no problem being in a tube and staying close to me at her age. She is much more interested in things like arts and crafts, and my son barely pick up a crayon and colored until he was 5. She jumps in and helps me clean stuff while it is like pulling teeth to get my son to do the same thing.
Just when I think they could not be more different, they act exactly the same. She wants what he wants. She wants to play everything he wants to play and loves Mario as much as he does. They watch the same shows on tv, and she likes Spider-man and Batman and the bad guys like Joker. They want to play the same games on the computer. She loves puzzles just like he did. She loves dinosaurs and cars just like he did. And while she likes her dolls and kitchen too, she fits right in with her brother.
They pester each other and get mad at each other for the same reasons. Then they turn around and love on each other like crazy. They sing together, chase each other, and play in the sandbox together. While she is a picky eater, she is not a polar opposite of her brother, so it is not hard to get her to eat many of the same things. They are both social and love to play with other kids and are not shy about meeting new kids anywhere. They both can get spitting mad at the drop of a hat. Oh, and they both love telling mommy NO!....but that is a different blog.
It is crazy how kids can be so different yet so much alike. I have a twin sister who was my best friend growing up, even though we referred to each other distinctly as sisters. We always played together. We also fought A LOT. Those fights often got to the point where we pulled each others hair and screamed one second and were laughing hysterically the next second. We had different favorite colors and styles. We had different favorite toys. Even though we had a lot in common, we were also very different.
When it comes to raising kids, we have to remember their individuality. We cannot in fairness compare siblings (although it does help us realize how different they are, no matter how you try to raise or influence them). Each is a separate and special creation. Each one has a different gift to the world. As parents, we need to help our kids create strong bonds with each other while fostering their individual needs and personalities. That is the biggest reason I like the unschooling concept. I can individualize each child's experience in a way that helps them grow the most. It forces me to see my children as unique. And while I could take the same approach to learning for both, it could hinder them becoming who they are destined to become. I spend a lot of time observing and paying attention to my kids so I can meet their needs. Am I perfect at it? Not by a long shot. But the more awareness I have in my actions and choices in how I raise and educate them, the more effective I will be over the long-term.
Unschooling also pushes me to grow as an individual. It pushes me to think about what they really need to know as an adult verses what others think would be good to know going into adulthood. It pushes me to evaluate the value of education the "traditional" way verses unconventional methods. It makes me question how the education system operates and the motives behind the beast. I am fortunate to have the chance to educate my children and have a supportive husband who trusts me to do what is best for our kids. Some families cannot for various reasons. Many do not want to, which I also understand. But that does not mean some of the philosophies of unschooling can't still apply.
Allowing kids to explore their interests in-depth is a good way to start. If they are in school all day, they have already had someone telling them over and over what they need to learn. As parents, we can best help our kids discover themselves by valuing their interests no matter how much of a waste of time we think they are. When given some freedom and access to resources and a supportive attitude, our kids can maintain their curiosity and desire to learn. Kids can learn some pretty unexpected things from unexpected sources when given the chance. We can also stop and listen to them more without judgement. When we make listening to their crazy stories and ideas important, it shows they are valued. When we interact with them and help them when they need something, it shows their ideas are important, and they will come up with more. It might seem like child's play to us, but even the great inventors were children at one point. How do you think their parents guided them? How do you think they became great? I doubt they were told their ideas were stupid or a waste of time. I bet they also had a lot of freedom.
Another great thing to do for your kids is simplify life. As fun as it may be to be involved in little league, dance, gymnastics, choir, music lessons, Cub Scouts, Awana, etc., kids need downtime. They already lose some of their free time with homework, chores, running errands, dinner, bedtime routines, etc. They need time to deschool each day. They need time to chill so their brains can relax and switch gears to thinking about what they are interested in or fascinated by. Sometimes it takes watching silly shows on tv, reading a magazine, or playing a video game. However, when kids are given what they need without feeling their time is being controlled, they are more likely to spend less time doing the stuff we may see as a waste of time and more time exploring what interests them. And it is ok for kids to be doing nothing at all. It is ok for them to be bored. They likely won't stay that way for long, unless they are accustomed to being spoon-fed every idea and activity. If they are, it may be time to sit down and join them in an activity, whether it be playing a board game, throwing a ball, or painting pictures (without checking Pinterest for ideas).
I love my children and their differences. I am reminded every day, that while they are plenty alike, they are also to very distinct individuals. I have choices as a parent. I can force them to do the same things and make life "easier," or I can put in the extra effort and see them for who they are, not who I want them to be. With it being summer time, this is the perfect time to do just that. Give them freedom, keep things simple, and support their crazy ideas...as long as it doesn't include jumping off the house and flying like Superman....
This is my daughter most days. She is independent and wants to do everything self, whether she should be doing it or not. I thought my days of safety locks were over. My son never did things like this, so I never had to worry. He was consistent in what he got into, and it was always the things that I was ok with him getting into. If she wants something, and I don't get it for her, or I am taking too long, she finds a way to do it herself, even if it means climbing furniture. I'm going to have to anchor everything to the wall. My son did not climb things, so I never had to worry. I have to keep a life vest on my daughter around the water because she will just jump in. My son had no problem being in a tube and staying close to me at her age. She is much more interested in things like arts and crafts, and my son barely pick up a crayon and colored until he was 5. She jumps in and helps me clean stuff while it is like pulling teeth to get my son to do the same thing.
Just when I think they could not be more different, they act exactly the same. She wants what he wants. She wants to play everything he wants to play and loves Mario as much as he does. They watch the same shows on tv, and she likes Spider-man and Batman and the bad guys like Joker. They want to play the same games on the computer. She loves puzzles just like he did. She loves dinosaurs and cars just like he did. And while she likes her dolls and kitchen too, she fits right in with her brother.
They pester each other and get mad at each other for the same reasons. Then they turn around and love on each other like crazy. They sing together, chase each other, and play in the sandbox together. While she is a picky eater, she is not a polar opposite of her brother, so it is not hard to get her to eat many of the same things. They are both social and love to play with other kids and are not shy about meeting new kids anywhere. They both can get spitting mad at the drop of a hat. Oh, and they both love telling mommy NO!....but that is a different blog.
It is crazy how kids can be so different yet so much alike. I have a twin sister who was my best friend growing up, even though we referred to each other distinctly as sisters. We always played together. We also fought A LOT. Those fights often got to the point where we pulled each others hair and screamed one second and were laughing hysterically the next second. We had different favorite colors and styles. We had different favorite toys. Even though we had a lot in common, we were also very different.
When it comes to raising kids, we have to remember their individuality. We cannot in fairness compare siblings (although it does help us realize how different they are, no matter how you try to raise or influence them). Each is a separate and special creation. Each one has a different gift to the world. As parents, we need to help our kids create strong bonds with each other while fostering their individual needs and personalities. That is the biggest reason I like the unschooling concept. I can individualize each child's experience in a way that helps them grow the most. It forces me to see my children as unique. And while I could take the same approach to learning for both, it could hinder them becoming who they are destined to become. I spend a lot of time observing and paying attention to my kids so I can meet their needs. Am I perfect at it? Not by a long shot. But the more awareness I have in my actions and choices in how I raise and educate them, the more effective I will be over the long-term.
Unschooling also pushes me to grow as an individual. It pushes me to think about what they really need to know as an adult verses what others think would be good to know going into adulthood. It pushes me to evaluate the value of education the "traditional" way verses unconventional methods. It makes me question how the education system operates and the motives behind the beast. I am fortunate to have the chance to educate my children and have a supportive husband who trusts me to do what is best for our kids. Some families cannot for various reasons. Many do not want to, which I also understand. But that does not mean some of the philosophies of unschooling can't still apply.
Allowing kids to explore their interests in-depth is a good way to start. If they are in school all day, they have already had someone telling them over and over what they need to learn. As parents, we can best help our kids discover themselves by valuing their interests no matter how much of a waste of time we think they are. When given some freedom and access to resources and a supportive attitude, our kids can maintain their curiosity and desire to learn. Kids can learn some pretty unexpected things from unexpected sources when given the chance. We can also stop and listen to them more without judgement. When we make listening to their crazy stories and ideas important, it shows they are valued. When we interact with them and help them when they need something, it shows their ideas are important, and they will come up with more. It might seem like child's play to us, but even the great inventors were children at one point. How do you think their parents guided them? How do you think they became great? I doubt they were told their ideas were stupid or a waste of time. I bet they also had a lot of freedom.
Another great thing to do for your kids is simplify life. As fun as it may be to be involved in little league, dance, gymnastics, choir, music lessons, Cub Scouts, Awana, etc., kids need downtime. They already lose some of their free time with homework, chores, running errands, dinner, bedtime routines, etc. They need time to deschool each day. They need time to chill so their brains can relax and switch gears to thinking about what they are interested in or fascinated by. Sometimes it takes watching silly shows on tv, reading a magazine, or playing a video game. However, when kids are given what they need without feeling their time is being controlled, they are more likely to spend less time doing the stuff we may see as a waste of time and more time exploring what interests them. And it is ok for kids to be doing nothing at all. It is ok for them to be bored. They likely won't stay that way for long, unless they are accustomed to being spoon-fed every idea and activity. If they are, it may be time to sit down and join them in an activity, whether it be playing a board game, throwing a ball, or painting pictures (without checking Pinterest for ideas).
I love my children and their differences. I am reminded every day, that while they are plenty alike, they are also to very distinct individuals. I have choices as a parent. I can force them to do the same things and make life "easier," or I can put in the extra effort and see them for who they are, not who I want them to be. With it being summer time, this is the perfect time to do just that. Give them freedom, keep things simple, and support their crazy ideas...as long as it doesn't include jumping off the house and flying like Superman....
Monday, June 2, 2014
Relinquishing control
One of the hardest things to do as a parent is letting go. Our children come into the world completely dependent on us. As they grow, so does their ability to do more. As parents, it can be hard to step back and let them do it on their own. It is hard to let them make that mess you know you will have to clean up. It is scary to let them climb on the playground equipment without assistance. It is difficult to let other people take care of them.
I think the hardest thing to let go of is being responsible for their choices and behaviors. We want to see them achieve so much and avoid the mistakes we made. We also worry about what everyone else thinks. So we try to lay out everything. We give them second chances. We lay out our expectations, and then we force them to comply by nagging them or threatening them with punishment. We get angry or upset when they don't just do what we want or need them to do. Then we make choices out of anger or frustration. And when we realize we are not helping our children grow but, instead only creating more stress for ourselves, it is still hard to let go. It takes a conscious choice. It is stepping back and saying "I can't be responsible for his choices."
I am responsible for showing and telling my children what is expected. I am responsible for helping them learn to think through their choices. My son is reaching an age where he will not always be under my supervision. I have to learn to let go and hope the things I have taught him thus far will stick. I have to begin to trust he will know how to handle situations without my interference or guidance. It is SO hard. Being with him all day, I pretty much know everything going on. That in itself is not really true, though. I can't read his mind, so I only know his outward actions, not his internal thoughts or motivations. Those are things I cannot control at all.
When he doesn't handle something the best way, it is hard to wait and talk it out later. It is hard to let him suffer and learn through his mistakes, especially when he repeats the same mistakes over and over. But then I think back. And I remember the things I have consistently taught him, and I see him act accordingly on his own. And it gives me courage to step back and allow my baby to grow up and be who he is. It allows him to think for himself and become stronger on his own. It allows me to appreciate who he is rather than worrying about something not going right. And he can still grow from the experiences because we can talk about feelings, choices, and reactions after some time to reflect and process.
When I think about unschooling, letting go is front-and-center in making it work. I have to let him spread his wings and see where he flies to. That does not mean I can't be there to help pick him up if he falls. And I can also give him tools that will help him fly. I can provide a lot of resources. I can help him when he asks for help. I can encourage him to try new things just to see what it is like. I can just be present and interested when he shares, careful not to devalue what he cares about or is excited about. I have to let him determine his destiny, whether he becomes an engineer or a garbageman. If I stand in his way, I may interfere with him realizing his natural talents and abilities. If I think I know what he should be doing to prepare for his future, I may steer him down a path that just does not suit him. It is so much better to help him along his journey rather than directing him. All it takes is letting go.
Kind of makes me want to start singing the words to a currently very popular song....Of course, I would much rather gradually let go of my kids in a safe environment so they can grow into their future selves at a pace they can handle. And that is why letting go a little more each day is what our kids need from us. While it can be heart-breaking to think about my kids growing up and needing me less and less, I can't wait to see them fly.
So what did your kids do when you let them spread their wings?
I think the hardest thing to let go of is being responsible for their choices and behaviors. We want to see them achieve so much and avoid the mistakes we made. We also worry about what everyone else thinks. So we try to lay out everything. We give them second chances. We lay out our expectations, and then we force them to comply by nagging them or threatening them with punishment. We get angry or upset when they don't just do what we want or need them to do. Then we make choices out of anger or frustration. And when we realize we are not helping our children grow but, instead only creating more stress for ourselves, it is still hard to let go. It takes a conscious choice. It is stepping back and saying "I can't be responsible for his choices."
I am responsible for showing and telling my children what is expected. I am responsible for helping them learn to think through their choices. My son is reaching an age where he will not always be under my supervision. I have to learn to let go and hope the things I have taught him thus far will stick. I have to begin to trust he will know how to handle situations without my interference or guidance. It is SO hard. Being with him all day, I pretty much know everything going on. That in itself is not really true, though. I can't read his mind, so I only know his outward actions, not his internal thoughts or motivations. Those are things I cannot control at all.
When he doesn't handle something the best way, it is hard to wait and talk it out later. It is hard to let him suffer and learn through his mistakes, especially when he repeats the same mistakes over and over. But then I think back. And I remember the things I have consistently taught him, and I see him act accordingly on his own. And it gives me courage to step back and allow my baby to grow up and be who he is. It allows him to think for himself and become stronger on his own. It allows me to appreciate who he is rather than worrying about something not going right. And he can still grow from the experiences because we can talk about feelings, choices, and reactions after some time to reflect and process.
When I think about unschooling, letting go is front-and-center in making it work. I have to let him spread his wings and see where he flies to. That does not mean I can't be there to help pick him up if he falls. And I can also give him tools that will help him fly. I can provide a lot of resources. I can help him when he asks for help. I can encourage him to try new things just to see what it is like. I can just be present and interested when he shares, careful not to devalue what he cares about or is excited about. I have to let him determine his destiny, whether he becomes an engineer or a garbageman. If I stand in his way, I may interfere with him realizing his natural talents and abilities. If I think I know what he should be doing to prepare for his future, I may steer him down a path that just does not suit him. It is so much better to help him along his journey rather than directing him. All it takes is letting go.
Kind of makes me want to start singing the words to a currently very popular song....Of course, I would much rather gradually let go of my kids in a safe environment so they can grow into their future selves at a pace they can handle. And that is why letting go a little more each day is what our kids need from us. While it can be heart-breaking to think about my kids growing up and needing me less and less, I can't wait to see them fly.
So what did your kids do when you let them spread their wings?
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