Since before having my first child, I have been preached the message about screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly believes infants through the age of two should not have ANY screen time. Beyond that, they believe it should be limited to two hours. Screen time, of course, is any time spent in front of a TV, computer, game system, or smartphone. I did my best to follow the guidelines the first year and a half, and I always had it in the back of my mind for the next few years. At the younger ages, however, every show and game seems to have preschool educational value. My son definitely benefited. He knew his letters and sounds, knew how to count, and even learned to add before I even began to think about how I wanted to approach homeschooling him. I could really see the benefit in screen time while at the same time being worried about that two hour time limit.
When a child is up from 8am in the morning until almost 9pm at night, how is he supposed to spend thirteen hours of his day? Take away three hours for baths and eating (that is being generous), and there are still ten hours in the day. A trip to the park for an hour and a half plus driving still leaves eight hours. Playing with toys for another four hours still leaves a stay-at-home child four more hours to fill each day. What happens when the weather is bad or a family lives in an apartment with not a lot of space to spare inside or out? What if it is just too hot or too cold to be outside? What happens when mom is sick every day during pregnancy and then has to care for a newborn? Like it or not, sometimes, screen time can become a much needed babysitter for a stay-at-home mom with no (or limited) extended family support. But that concern about too much screen time is still there.
Fast forward to school age. Children spend a lot of time sitting at a desk in a classroom. Sure, they have recess and lunch, and teachers often incorporate movement into the learning, at least until it is expected they are old enough to be able to sit still. But much of the six or more hours a day they are at school, they are sitting and learning. No wonder AAP preaches two hours. If a child spends the better part of ten hours doing nothing but sitting between school, homework, car or bus rides, and meal times, of course they need to get up and move. Their bodies need it. But do these same rules apply in homeschooling and unschooling?
What is even more interesting is that the recommendation has shifted recently. There should be no more than two hours on screens for entertainment purposes, but if it is deemed educational, then the limit is not as important. To me, that does not make sound science. Either it is two hours or it is not. And in an unschooling environment, just about everything a child does is considered to have learning value. If that is the case, where do we draw the line? Isn't it better to instead strive for the two hours a day recommended for our children for structured physical activity and active free play? If my son was on his feet playing and exercising for two hours a day, why would it be necessary to limit screen time if he is learning so much during that time?
Some people may still say limits are necessary. And in some cases, they are. However, an interesting thing often happens when kids do not have limited screen time or they have very generous limits. My son loves to play video games, computer learning games, watch tv, and watch YouTube videos. He also likes to imitate the YouTube game videos he has seen and makes his own. He creates his own commentary while he plays a game. When he starts playing a new game, he will want to play for hours for a few days. Then he gets off and may go two days with minimal screen time and use that time instead to play and create. Surprisingly, there are also quite a few ways that life itself places natural limits. Running errands, going to the park, working on Cub Scout projects, reading books at bedtime, eating meals and taking care of assigned responsibilities all naturally limit screen time in my home without having to battle my son to get him off and without me having to monitor and police him. Of course, my son loves to do other activities too. That is why offering options and exposing kids to new things and opportunities is a key element of unschooling.
In all reality, excessive screen time, in my experience, is a symptom of something else entirely. When parents are concerned about it, then it is time to dig a little deeper and look at the whole picture. Do their kids lead stressful or busy lives? Is screen time an outlet to escape all that? Are parents too busy to spend quality time with their kids? Are there problems at home, and the screens are used as a distraction? Are they isolated, and playing online games is one of the few ways they can spend time with their friends or other people? Do parents have unrealistic expectations of how much screen time is reasonable for their kids? Do they really know how their kids are spending time on screens? Do they take an interest in what their kids are doing, or do they just get frustrated that they are on screens ALL THE TIME? Is scarcity vs. abundance in play?
There are a lot of "experts" out there that tell us all how things should be done. Sometimes they are right. And sometimes they are wrong. Sometimes what the experts say fits one child and not the other. As parents, if we listen to advice with discernment and with an understanding of our own children, we can better choose what advice is useful and what is not. Every family dynamic, every child, and every environment is a little different. The only ones that can decide what is truly best for their families is the families themselves. They have to look at their own evidence and make decisions and figure out what works best in their homes. In my family, there is a lot of screen time. But it is not a waste of time. A lot comes out of it. We are also in a season of our lives where other options are more limited. And when this season of our lives changes, so will screen time-naturally. It ebbs and flows, but it is not a bad thing in our home because we don't allow it to interfere with life. It instead becomes one aspect of life, along with many other pieces that complete the puzzle.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Unschooling with a 2 year old
My daughter is an amazing little girl. She is empathetic, funny, kind, playful, independent, with a little bit of diva. She loves cars and princess dresses. She plays doctor and has light saber fights. She drags out the dinosaurs and cars but watches Barbie and cooks in her kitchen. She loves her dresses, and anything with a ruffle is beautiful. She can make a mean face and roar like a dinosaur one second and squeal only like a little girl can the next. She makes friends with anyone her size, and she tries to hang with the big kids. And she is curious and full of life. Now if I could just get her to listen to me when I talk to her....
I am excited to be on this unschooling journey with her. It is gonna be even more exciting to see how my daughter grows and develops and learns without direct instruction. It will be different than when I began the journey with my son. He had already learned to read, write, and do a lot of different math. He had been exposed to subject-based learning. The introduction to these three subjects was deliberate and instructional...it looked a lot more like school even though I created my own curriculum. While I have heard many success stories, I have not personally seen how it plays out when the child is "in control."
One of the cool things about having an older sibling who unschools is my two year old benefits from everything he does. She watches the same educational videos in the van that my son watches. She has seen all the Magic School Bus videos, heard many of the classic fairy tales, learned about the Revolutionary War and seen Popular Mechanics-Kids. When we go to a museum, she gets to participate too, even though the main reason I went was for my son's benefit. She even imitates bedtime story time by reading her own books. Now she gets her own bedtime stories, and she really likes it. She sees her brother playing computer games, and she now wants to learn to play them (or games that are preschool oriented, anyway). She copies just about everything he does, and she wants to do everything he wants to do. That may work to my advantage later.
My two year old is learning all about numbers. She is learning to count through playing hide-n-seek, game apps, and NickJr and DisneyJr. She can count to 20, and I have never tried to teach her...I think she is even figuring out how to count objects...the other day she "wanted all 4 of us" to go to the museum. And she counted her malted milk balls yesterday when I asked her how many she had. Math seems to be following a natural course. I just have to keep providing natural, life-based opportunities as she progresses.
I am not even concerned about writing. Since she could walk, she has been picking up any writing utensil she can get her hands on (yes, even the black permanent marker on many occasions--she has a radar that tells her when it has been left within her reach). She even holds them correctly most of the time. I think learning to write will come naturally to her, and she may even enjoy it. Her brother, who hates to write, never wanted to color (unless you count thirty seconds on a new coloring book) and rarely wanted to do any kinds of arts and crafts before the age of five. She is just the opposite. She dives right in. In my experience, girls are often more drawn to writing and projects. My daughter seems to fit that mold, which is why I don't worry much about that either.
I think I may get lucky with her, and she will learn the three r's early, or at least in the same time frame she would have in a school setting. It makes the homeschooling journey a little less scary and a lot less stressful when that happens. And if she does it on her own, I won't ever feel the need to nudge or push her into it. That being said, how do I provide the best opportunities to help her do those things without pressure? That is one of the biggest obstacles in unschooling...trusting your child to do what is in their best interest for their futures. The funny thing is, God already paved the way. He created us to naturally want to mimic and imitate. We are also naturally curious and inquisitive. It is a necessity to survive.
Somehow, we as humans got it into our heads that we literally have to teach children everything they know. And in a way we do. But as the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words. They do best by following our lead and gentle reminders and redirection. They mimic our words when they are learning to speak. They imitate the way we wash the dishes or mow the grass with their toys. They pick up books and pretend to read them because we read and read to them. It is also easy to show children the wonder of the world and continue to inspire them. We just have to see the world through new eyes. And when cuddling is involved while curling up to read a book, how can that not bring a desire to read when they are ready. It is a positive experience.
There are so many fun and interesting ways to introduce new educational concepts to children. We live in a time of technology and Pinterest. Yes, it takes more effort on our end, but the extra work is worth it. We cannot allow the wonder of the world to end through forced learning. My son does not have to read pages and pages of a book everyday to be a good reader. He has proven that. He did not have to do a page of math questions everyday to understand elementary level math concepts. Writing may need more practice to gain speed and strengthen the hand, but I don't believe that writing all day and completing homework at night is the only way. I read an article the other day that was quite enlightening, especially when it is applied to any learning situation with our kids. We as parents and educators can really get in the way of natural learning. When we are prepared to meet children where they are, learning can become genuine and meaningful, not just something that is required.
My daughter is learning new things everyday that are relevant to her life. One day, reading, writing, and math will also be relevant, and she can learn these skills in a way that is meaningful and enjoyable, not forced or coerced. She can learn them in a way that fits her life. And as she grows, she will have plenty of confidence in who she is because she will have been on a journey of self discovery since she was born. I look forward to walking beside her in this journey and encouraging her and helping her when she needs it. I also look forward to stepping back and watching her blossom into the person God intended her to be...without any of the other junk getting in her way or becoming unnecessary obstacles.
So what is something your kids have amazed you with when you just stepped back and watched?
I am excited to be on this unschooling journey with her. It is gonna be even more exciting to see how my daughter grows and develops and learns without direct instruction. It will be different than when I began the journey with my son. He had already learned to read, write, and do a lot of different math. He had been exposed to subject-based learning. The introduction to these three subjects was deliberate and instructional...it looked a lot more like school even though I created my own curriculum. While I have heard many success stories, I have not personally seen how it plays out when the child is "in control."
One of the cool things about having an older sibling who unschools is my two year old benefits from everything he does. She watches the same educational videos in the van that my son watches. She has seen all the Magic School Bus videos, heard many of the classic fairy tales, learned about the Revolutionary War and seen Popular Mechanics-Kids. When we go to a museum, she gets to participate too, even though the main reason I went was for my son's benefit. She even imitates bedtime story time by reading her own books. Now she gets her own bedtime stories, and she really likes it. She sees her brother playing computer games, and she now wants to learn to play them (or games that are preschool oriented, anyway). She copies just about everything he does, and she wants to do everything he wants to do. That may work to my advantage later.
My two year old is learning all about numbers. She is learning to count through playing hide-n-seek, game apps, and NickJr and DisneyJr. She can count to 20, and I have never tried to teach her...I think she is even figuring out how to count objects...the other day she "wanted all 4 of us" to go to the museum. And she counted her malted milk balls yesterday when I asked her how many she had. Math seems to be following a natural course. I just have to keep providing natural, life-based opportunities as she progresses.
I am not even concerned about writing. Since she could walk, she has been picking up any writing utensil she can get her hands on (yes, even the black permanent marker on many occasions--she has a radar that tells her when it has been left within her reach). She even holds them correctly most of the time. I think learning to write will come naturally to her, and she may even enjoy it. Her brother, who hates to write, never wanted to color (unless you count thirty seconds on a new coloring book) and rarely wanted to do any kinds of arts and crafts before the age of five. She is just the opposite. She dives right in. In my experience, girls are often more drawn to writing and projects. My daughter seems to fit that mold, which is why I don't worry much about that either.
I think I may get lucky with her, and she will learn the three r's early, or at least in the same time frame she would have in a school setting. It makes the homeschooling journey a little less scary and a lot less stressful when that happens. And if she does it on her own, I won't ever feel the need to nudge or push her into it. That being said, how do I provide the best opportunities to help her do those things without pressure? That is one of the biggest obstacles in unschooling...trusting your child to do what is in their best interest for their futures. The funny thing is, God already paved the way. He created us to naturally want to mimic and imitate. We are also naturally curious and inquisitive. It is a necessity to survive.
Somehow, we as humans got it into our heads that we literally have to teach children everything they know. And in a way we do. But as the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words. They do best by following our lead and gentle reminders and redirection. They mimic our words when they are learning to speak. They imitate the way we wash the dishes or mow the grass with their toys. They pick up books and pretend to read them because we read and read to them. It is also easy to show children the wonder of the world and continue to inspire them. We just have to see the world through new eyes. And when cuddling is involved while curling up to read a book, how can that not bring a desire to read when they are ready. It is a positive experience.
There are so many fun and interesting ways to introduce new educational concepts to children. We live in a time of technology and Pinterest. Yes, it takes more effort on our end, but the extra work is worth it. We cannot allow the wonder of the world to end through forced learning. My son does not have to read pages and pages of a book everyday to be a good reader. He has proven that. He did not have to do a page of math questions everyday to understand elementary level math concepts. Writing may need more practice to gain speed and strengthen the hand, but I don't believe that writing all day and completing homework at night is the only way. I read an article the other day that was quite enlightening, especially when it is applied to any learning situation with our kids. We as parents and educators can really get in the way of natural learning. When we are prepared to meet children where they are, learning can become genuine and meaningful, not just something that is required.
Playing, Pretending, Exploring
My daughter is learning new things everyday that are relevant to her life. One day, reading, writing, and math will also be relevant, and she can learn these skills in a way that is meaningful and enjoyable, not forced or coerced. She can learn them in a way that fits her life. And as she grows, she will have plenty of confidence in who she is because she will have been on a journey of self discovery since she was born. I look forward to walking beside her in this journey and encouraging her and helping her when she needs it. I also look forward to stepping back and watching her blossom into the person God intended her to be...without any of the other junk getting in her way or becoming unnecessary obstacles.
So what is something your kids have amazed you with when you just stepped back and watched?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Traditions...why they matter
Every year since my son turned two, making his birthday cake has been very important to me. I have made an Elmo cake, football cake, baseball cake, cupcakes for a class party, Cars cake, Super Mario cake, and this year a Space Angry Birds cake. It has tested my abilities (or lack there of), but it always brings a smile to his face. The last couple of years he has had more input, so he gets even more excited about seeing the end result. My husband thinks I should hand the responsibility off to the professionals so I don't have the added stress of making it. But I just can't. It is too special to me. It is something he will carry with him for the rest of his life. I have made a few special ones for my stepson and a couple of favorite cakes for my husband over the years. And this year, my daughter will start to remember her cakes too. It has become a family tradition.
Almost every night since my son was three, we have read books. Even now, when he can read just fine on his own, we still curl up on his bed and read. We start with a Bible passage (we are reading through a Children's Bible from start to end), and then I read a few chapters to him out of his latest chapter book. Right now, it is all about The Magic Tree House series, especially the Merlin Missions. Now that my daughter is old enough, I have started the same tradition with her. I have a great poetry bible designed for toddlers and preschoolers. And I still have most of my son's books from over the years, so she has a whole library available at her fingertips. This has become a well-established family tradition.
The last few years during the Christmas season, we have started having a family tree trimming party. We make mulled cider, eat finger foods, and listen to Christmas music. It does not yet run smoothly, but the memories of the event will be in my children's minds, and it will bring a smile. It is becoming a family tradition.
My husband is from Louisiana. Before we met, I had never eaten a gumbo or red beans and rice. I did not know what a beignet was. I had never been to a crawfish boil either. That's all changed. I am slowly becoming a decent Cajun cook. I have a long way to go, but learning has allowed me to keep that heritage alive in our family. Recipes can carry on traditions from generations back to our children now. The best part is they are tried and true and always end up being family favorites for the next generation.
There are new traditions I want to begin with my family, and that is important too. My husband and I came from two very different places, and while bringing our history with us, it is also important to create traditions that suit our family and bring us closer together. Whether it be family game night or movie night, or we start camping, or going on afternoon bike rides, anything we do that creates fond memories for our families helps us weather the storms that will surely come. And if we are lucky, the traditions will mean enough to our kids that they will not only look forward to them when they return home, but they will also continue some of them within their own families.
What are some of your favorite family traditions from growing up or you have developed with your own family?
Almost every night since my son was three, we have read books. Even now, when he can read just fine on his own, we still curl up on his bed and read. We start with a Bible passage (we are reading through a Children's Bible from start to end), and then I read a few chapters to him out of his latest chapter book. Right now, it is all about The Magic Tree House series, especially the Merlin Missions. Now that my daughter is old enough, I have started the same tradition with her. I have a great poetry bible designed for toddlers and preschoolers. And I still have most of my son's books from over the years, so she has a whole library available at her fingertips. This has become a well-established family tradition.
The last few years during the Christmas season, we have started having a family tree trimming party. We make mulled cider, eat finger foods, and listen to Christmas music. It does not yet run smoothly, but the memories of the event will be in my children's minds, and it will bring a smile. It is becoming a family tradition.
My husband is from Louisiana. Before we met, I had never eaten a gumbo or red beans and rice. I did not know what a beignet was. I had never been to a crawfish boil either. That's all changed. I am slowly becoming a decent Cajun cook. I have a long way to go, but learning has allowed me to keep that heritage alive in our family. Recipes can carry on traditions from generations back to our children now. The best part is they are tried and true and always end up being family favorites for the next generation.
There are new traditions I want to begin with my family, and that is important too. My husband and I came from two very different places, and while bringing our history with us, it is also important to create traditions that suit our family and bring us closer together. Whether it be family game night or movie night, or we start camping, or going on afternoon bike rides, anything we do that creates fond memories for our families helps us weather the storms that will surely come. And if we are lucky, the traditions will mean enough to our kids that they will not only look forward to them when they return home, but they will also continue some of them within their own families.
What are some of your favorite family traditions from growing up or you have developed with your own family?
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Gentle Parenting...Expectations of the future
As parents, we have a lot of milestones we look for in our children's development. We keep track of when they sit up, crawl, walk, talk, count, say the alphabet. We keep track of when they can run and kick a ball and read and write. We keep track of the number of extra curricular activities they participate in and how much time they spend with electronics. We keep track of their report cards, and we check how they do on the national tests, SAT, and ACT. But what does all that really mean fifteen or twenty years down the road? What is it we are really hoping for when they grow up? What does success really mean or look like? Have we really thought about what we want for our kids while they are kids and what we want for them as adults?
Sure, we want our kids to be successful. But what definition of success are we using? Is it the right dollar amount on the paycheck? Is it them finding a way to survive doing what they are passionate about? Is it having a family? Is it knowing how to play a particular role? Is it knowing how to love? Is it knowing how to weather the storms that will surely come at some point? How we answer these types of questions is going to determine the expectations we have.
As I dive deeper into the unschooling and gentle parenting approach to life, I find myself reevaluating what is really important. I remember it being a given I would go to college when I finished school, but I am not sure where that message came from. I don't remember my parents preaching that to me, but I am sure they planted the seed, along with my teachers. Even early on, I knew doing good in school would lead to me getting into college. I was hardly an overachiever, but it came easy to me. I didn't have to work for it. Maybe that is why I am still so drawn to education and learning at almost 40 years old. Maybe that has always been my deep seeded passion.
Many do not fit into that mold. Thank goodness! Otherwise, who would be the leader of our next fortune 500 company or the next great engineer or physicist? Who would create the next great piece of art or win the next Super Bowl? We all have our passions and our path of destiny, so to speak. When we ignore that inner voice, or others try to shut it up, it makes it much harder for us to discover who we really are.
So, as a parent, how do I not get in my child's way of achieving their own greatness...whether it be as a scientist, doctor, businessperson, Peace Corp volunteer, a wonderful mother or father, or just being a rock that others can depend on? It may not be as hard as you think. When I listen to my son's never-ending stories and ideas, I don't critique them or tell him they are not realistic or say he has to keep a journal to develop his ideas. I praise him, but not in the generic overdone way. I encourage him to try new things, but I do not necessarily make him stick with it if it does not interest him just for the sake of learning to make commitments. There are a dozen other ways to learn the character quality. I try not expect more than he is ready to give but instead encourage him to always try to do better than the last time so he can look back and be proud.
I am only at the beginning of this journey to changing my worldview to what really matters...loving each other as God loves us and maintaining a curiosity and fascination with the world around us. With these things in place, a successful life will be easy to achieve because success will be found in our hearts rather than our pocketbooks or the trophies and awards on the walls.
So how do you define success? Has it changed over the years? What is it you want for your children when they become adults?
Sure, we want our kids to be successful. But what definition of success are we using? Is it the right dollar amount on the paycheck? Is it them finding a way to survive doing what they are passionate about? Is it having a family? Is it knowing how to play a particular role? Is it knowing how to love? Is it knowing how to weather the storms that will surely come at some point? How we answer these types of questions is going to determine the expectations we have.
As I dive deeper into the unschooling and gentle parenting approach to life, I find myself reevaluating what is really important. I remember it being a given I would go to college when I finished school, but I am not sure where that message came from. I don't remember my parents preaching that to me, but I am sure they planted the seed, along with my teachers. Even early on, I knew doing good in school would lead to me getting into college. I was hardly an overachiever, but it came easy to me. I didn't have to work for it. Maybe that is why I am still so drawn to education and learning at almost 40 years old. Maybe that has always been my deep seeded passion.
Many do not fit into that mold. Thank goodness! Otherwise, who would be the leader of our next fortune 500 company or the next great engineer or physicist? Who would create the next great piece of art or win the next Super Bowl? We all have our passions and our path of destiny, so to speak. When we ignore that inner voice, or others try to shut it up, it makes it much harder for us to discover who we really are.
So, as a parent, how do I not get in my child's way of achieving their own greatness...whether it be as a scientist, doctor, businessperson, Peace Corp volunteer, a wonderful mother or father, or just being a rock that others can depend on? It may not be as hard as you think. When I listen to my son's never-ending stories and ideas, I don't critique them or tell him they are not realistic or say he has to keep a journal to develop his ideas. I praise him, but not in the generic overdone way. I encourage him to try new things, but I do not necessarily make him stick with it if it does not interest him just for the sake of learning to make commitments. There are a dozen other ways to learn the character quality. I try not expect more than he is ready to give but instead encourage him to always try to do better than the last time so he can look back and be proud.
I am only at the beginning of this journey to changing my worldview to what really matters...loving each other as God loves us and maintaining a curiosity and fascination with the world around us. With these things in place, a successful life will be easy to achieve because success will be found in our hearts rather than our pocketbooks or the trophies and awards on the walls.
So how do you define success? Has it changed over the years? What is it you want for your children when they become adults?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)