As parents, we have a lot of milestones we look for in our children's development. We keep track of when they sit up, crawl, walk, talk, count, say the alphabet. We keep track of when they can run and kick a ball and read and write. We keep track of the number of extra curricular activities they participate in and how much time they spend with electronics. We keep track of their report cards, and we check how they do on the national tests, SAT, and ACT. But what does all that really mean fifteen or twenty years down the road? What is it we are really hoping for when they grow up? What does success really mean or look like? Have we really thought about what we want for our kids while they are kids and what we want for them as adults?
Sure, we want our kids to be successful. But what definition of success are we using? Is it the right dollar amount on the paycheck? Is it them finding a way to survive doing what they are passionate about? Is it having a family? Is it knowing how to play a particular role? Is it knowing how to love? Is it knowing how to weather the storms that will surely come at some point? How we answer these types of questions is going to determine the expectations we have.
As I dive deeper into the unschooling and gentle parenting approach to life, I find myself reevaluating what is really important. I remember it being a given I would go to college when I finished school, but I am not sure where that message came from. I don't remember my parents preaching that to me, but I am sure they planted the seed, along with my teachers. Even early on, I knew doing good in school would lead to me getting into college. I was hardly an overachiever, but it came easy to me. I didn't have to work for it. Maybe that is why I am still so drawn to education and learning at almost 40 years old. Maybe that has always been my deep seeded passion.
Many do not fit into that mold. Thank goodness! Otherwise, who would be the leader of our next fortune 500 company or the next great engineer or physicist? Who would create the next great piece of art or win the next Super Bowl? We all have our passions and our path of destiny, so to speak. When we ignore that inner voice, or others try to shut it up, it makes it much harder for us to discover who we really are.
So, as a parent, how do I not get in my child's way of achieving their own greatness...whether it be as a scientist, doctor, businessperson, Peace Corp volunteer, a wonderful mother or father, or just being a rock that others can depend on? It may not be as hard as you think. When I listen to my son's never-ending stories and ideas, I don't critique them or tell him they are not realistic or say he has to keep a journal to develop his ideas. I praise him, but not in the generic overdone way. I encourage him to try new things, but I do not necessarily make him stick with it if it does not interest him just for the sake of learning to make commitments. There are a dozen other ways to learn the character quality. I try not expect more than he is ready to give but instead encourage him to always try to do better than the last time so he can look back and be proud.
I am only at the beginning of this journey to changing my worldview to what really matters...loving each other as God loves us and maintaining a curiosity and fascination with the world around us. With these things in place, a successful life will be easy to achieve because success will be found in our hearts rather than our pocketbooks or the trophies and awards on the walls.
So how do you define success? Has it changed over the years? What is it you want for your children when they become adults?
No comments:
Post a Comment