Since I began this unschooling journey, I have never questioned myself so much. And not in that self-conscience, I am a total screw-up kind of way. It has challenged me to question everything we do in society. It makes me question how I spend my time. It has made me question my values and discover what they really are. It has made me question what really are the most important things to learn before becoming an adult...and what things are actually necessary to find success (however an individual defines success) in the future. It has made me question my parenting...am I parenting the way I really want to? Am I parenting with my heart or by the rules of society? Do I want my kids to respect me out of obligation or because I am deserving of their respect? What impact do things I do really have on my kids long-term? Sure, I turned out "just fine." But if certain things had been different, could I have turned out better? Would some of the baggage be gone?
I also question the need for formal education. We all have this right to a free education. Of course, it is no longer a right but a requirement. Who is it really helping? Is there a better way to provide this "free" education to everyone? And just because it is considered a right, why is it that the government gets to decide how it happens? Why does the government get to say our children have to attend and meet THEIR standards? I get there are a lot of kids that are better off in school than not. But I don't think the majority of them are. I get there are some parents that are not suited to be parents and would never be there to support their kids and help them flourish. And maybe to ensure the kids in that situation make it to school, it makes sense to have compulsory attendance. Most teachers love their jobs (or would under the right circumstances), and they could do a much better job without all the bureaucracy and rules and expectations and added stresses that just don't have to be there in order to successfully educate their students. There are no easy answers. And there is no one right answer.
I question standards. I wonder what teachers would do if they had free reign and could do things the way they really wanted to and were given the proper tools and supplies. And if kids came to a different environment in school, they may become inspired to do better than their parents. They may feel confident and proud, even when they come in "behind." How sad is it that a child going into kindergarten is behind because mom and dad did not teach them their numbers and letters and read to them every night? Is it really ok for a child to be behind in kindergarten? What is the big rush? We have so much pressure on the idea of preschool that kindergarten becomes this uneven playing ground...and the only solution is Head Start and mandatory preschool. Our standards are so far reaching that it basically requires kids to have homework in order to meet the standards. That takes away from valuable family time and valuable, unstructured free play that is so important throughout the elementary years. As they get older, that time is important for a different type of creativity and exploration.
Just because something has "always" been done a certain way does not
mean it is the best way or even that it was a good way to begin with.
Our education system worked when it was created to indoctrinate our kids
into a certain way of thinking. We have built on it since then,
assuming that it worked. But it was definitely not designed for the 21st Century.
It was also not designed to help kids learn in the best way possible.
It was designed to give information to a large group of students in the
quickest way possible. It was designed to make it possible to evaluate
kids on a simple system...forgetting all about their individuality and
personal development and circumstances.
Many believe children must attend school to learn certain skills. Socialization, following rules, learning perseverance, learning to listen and follow direction from others, and developing citizenship are just a few. Do the things we think build perseverance and character really do so? Can we only become great by being required to do things we do not enjoy or even hate or fear? We have a memory of how things were when we grew up. A better time a better way. But was it really? Could it have been better, even then? I did not learn to persevere. I learned what it took to get good grades, and that is what I did. Except it was relatively easy for me. I did not learn from school to persevere. I learned from life that if I wanted more, I had to keep getting up after getting knocked down. In school, I learned to not be a failure, but I since I did not fail school, I did not learn from trial and error. I was not a scientist who learns as much or more from failure than from success. I don't often take risks or chances or put myself out there because of fear of failure.
The greatest things happen when people are not afraid to try new things. I do try lots of new things, but the things I try do not have that type of risk involved. It took me a lot of years to learn that about myself. Now I am able to use that self-reflective knowledge to push past my fears...sometimes. Hopefully, in the next phase of my life, I am able to take on challenges and risks in order to do something great...even if it is only great to me.
When I think of how all this applies to my own kids, I realize we do not have to create artificial situations in order to learn to persevere. My kids face frustration almost every day. My daughter gets frustrated trying to dress her dolls or herself. My son gets frustrated when a boss on a game has beaten him for the fifth time in a row. But they also experience success brought on by sticking with something. My son taught himself to swim. And he has fully faced his fear of staying underwater and is figuring out how to do all kinds of tricks underwater. My daughter is eager to learn how to do things on her own and is doing things like learning to operate the microwave. She listens closely to make sure she does is right. She is understanding the importance of words and asks questions about sounds all the time...without my prompting. I can see the desire to learn to read and write developing before my eyes.
It is OK for me to do things differently from when I was growing up. Life presents plenty of challenges and opportunities all on its own. It does not have to come from a school. It can simply come from a full life where we are allowed to explore and change our minds and do things we love more often than things we don't like or even hate.
Isn't that the kind of life we all want? Do more of what we like and less of what we don't. We were not put on this earth to live in drudgery. We are here to live and love and experience joy and contentment. How can we discover the true meaning of these ideas when we are not given the time to explore them? How can we discover the beauty of the world around us if we are always focused on the next milestone or goal? We need time to grow, process, appreciate, and experience life. Unschooling allows my kids to be able to do just that.
What is something that you do differently from when you were growing up with your kids?
