Since I began this unschooling journey, I have never questioned myself so much. And not in that self-conscience, I am a total screw-up kind of way. It has challenged me to question everything we do in society. It makes me question how I spend my time. It has made me question my values and discover what they really are. It has made me question what really are the most important things to learn before becoming an adult...and what things are actually necessary to find success (however an individual defines success) in the future. It has made me question my parenting...am I parenting the way I really want to? Am I parenting with my heart or by the rules of society? Do I want my kids to respect me out of obligation or because I am deserving of their respect? What impact do things I do really have on my kids long-term? Sure, I turned out "just fine." But if certain things had been different, could I have turned out better? Would some of the baggage be gone?
I also question the need for formal education. We all have this right to a free education. Of course, it is no longer a right but a requirement. Who is it really helping? Is there a better way to provide this "free" education to everyone? And just because it is considered a right, why is it that the government gets to decide how it happens? Why does the government get to say our children have to attend and meet THEIR standards? I get there are a lot of kids that are better off in school than not. But I don't think the majority of them are. I get there are some parents that are not suited to be parents and would never be there to support their kids and help them flourish. And maybe to ensure the kids in that situation make it to school, it makes sense to have compulsory attendance. Most teachers love their jobs (or would under the right circumstances), and they could do a much better job without all the bureaucracy and rules and expectations and added stresses that just don't have to be there in order to successfully educate their students. There are no easy answers. And there is no one right answer.
I question standards. I wonder what teachers would do if they had free reign and could do things the way they really wanted to and were given the proper tools and supplies. And if kids came to a different environment in school, they may become inspired to do better than their parents. They may feel confident and proud, even when they come in "behind." How sad is it that a child going into kindergarten is behind because mom and dad did not teach them their numbers and letters and read to them every night? Is it really ok for a child to be behind in kindergarten? What is the big rush? We have so much pressure on the idea of preschool that kindergarten becomes this uneven playing ground...and the only solution is Head Start and mandatory preschool. Our standards are so far reaching that it basically requires kids to have homework in order to meet the standards. That takes away from valuable family time and valuable, unstructured free play that is so important throughout the elementary years. As they get older, that time is important for a different type of creativity and exploration.
Just because something has "always" been done a certain way does not
mean it is the best way or even that it was a good way to begin with.
Our education system worked when it was created to indoctrinate our kids
into a certain way of thinking. We have built on it since then,
assuming that it worked. But it was definitely not designed for the 21st Century.
It was also not designed to help kids learn in the best way possible.
It was designed to give information to a large group of students in the
quickest way possible. It was designed to make it possible to evaluate
kids on a simple system...forgetting all about their individuality and
personal development and circumstances.
Many believe children must attend school to learn certain skills. Socialization, following rules, learning perseverance, learning to listen and follow direction from others, and developing citizenship are just a few. Do the things we think build perseverance and character really do so? Can we only become great by being required to do things we do not enjoy or even hate or fear? We have a memory of how things were when we grew up. A better time a better way. But was it really? Could it have been better, even then? I did not learn to persevere. I learned what it took to get good grades, and that is what I did. Except it was relatively easy for me. I did not learn from school to persevere. I learned from life that if I wanted more, I had to keep getting up after getting knocked down. In school, I learned to not be a failure, but I since I did not fail school, I did not learn from trial and error. I was not a scientist who learns as much or more from failure than from success. I don't often take risks or chances or put myself out there because of fear of failure.
The greatest things happen when people are not afraid to try new things. I do try lots of new things, but the things I try do not have that type of risk involved. It took me a lot of years to learn that about myself. Now I am able to use that self-reflective knowledge to push past my fears...sometimes. Hopefully, in the next phase of my life, I am able to take on challenges and risks in order to do something great...even if it is only great to me.
When I think of how all this applies to my own kids, I realize we do not have to create artificial situations in order to learn to persevere. My kids face frustration almost every day. My daughter gets frustrated trying to dress her dolls or herself. My son gets frustrated when a boss on a game has beaten him for the fifth time in a row. But they also experience success brought on by sticking with something. My son taught himself to swim. And he has fully faced his fear of staying underwater and is figuring out how to do all kinds of tricks underwater. My daughter is eager to learn how to do things on her own and is doing things like learning to operate the microwave. She listens closely to make sure she does is right. She is understanding the importance of words and asks questions about sounds all the time...without my prompting. I can see the desire to learn to read and write developing before my eyes.
It is OK for me to do things differently from when I was growing up. Life presents plenty of challenges and opportunities all on its own. It does not have to come from a school. It can simply come from a full life where we are allowed to explore and change our minds and do things we love more often than things we don't like or even hate.
Isn't that the kind of life we all want? Do more of what we like and less of what we don't. We were not put on this earth to live in drudgery. We are here to live and love and experience joy and contentment. How can we discover the true meaning of these ideas when we are not given the time to explore them? How can we discover the beauty of the world around us if we are always focused on the next milestone or goal? We need time to grow, process, appreciate, and experience life. Unschooling allows my kids to be able to do just that.
What is something that you do differently from when you were growing up with your kids?
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Exercising...sometimes I wonder if it is worth it
There was a time in my life I could easily get to the gym. I would have my down seasons or times I was a little busier, but I always found my way back. Then I had kids. When I became pregnant the first time, I wanted to keep working out, but I was tired and nauseous all the time. I definitely gained more than I wanted. I did lose it all the first year. But it was not because I exercised. I would try to get out with the stroller, but the place I lived did not have sidewalks, and it eventually got hot. If I did not get out first thing in the morning, it was not going to happen.
As my son got older, we headed to the parks. He loved to play, and I followed him around and joined in. But nature walks were not gonna happen with him. Playing for hours was fine...walking around the block was not. And climbing around on toddler size playground equipment only challenges an adult so much. My son has never had a desire to be physically active by playing sports or running. He is more of an adventure type. He will play actively while acting out his stories. Even when playing video games, he will be on his feet jumping when the character jumps. Unfortunately, he is fast approaching the age where he will start to outgrow this type of play. I plan to make the most of it while I can. That is why it is so important to get our new yard fixed up this spring. We will be putting in a fort/playground. With any luck, we will also manage to get an above ground pool...not great for swimming, but great for active play. We may even get a tether ball. I loved playing with those when I was a kid. Of course, the warm weather will also mean more trampoline time. And my daughter has taken to being active like a fish takes to swimming. She is always running around and dancing. So the kids staying active is kind of taken care of. But where does that leave me?
I have household chores that give me some physical exercise. Sweeping floors, doing laundry, helping the kids pick up their messes, taking out the trash, chopping wood, bringing in 40 pound bags of pellets for the pellet stove, carrying around my daughter, carrying groceries. A lot of moving and lifting. Yard work is just around the corner, and that will help too. It just is not enough.
Did I mention I hate dieting? (I have never really committed to trying to, but I think about it many times). I can make smart choices in the kitchen and grocery store...as long as there are no sweets around. I have a terrible sweet tooth, and it takes a lot for me to just get tired of desserts and treats. The holidays kill me. All of them: Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's, Easter, birthdays. Why do we always celebrate with sweets?!? I would rather not have any sweets around. It is much easier to keep the scale from inching up.
For years, I have tried on and off to get back into the exercise routine. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you know how hard this can be. Kids love to interrupt anything you are doing for yourself. Two years ago, my husband gave me the treadmill I had been wanting. I pretty much never used it because the only time I could was when my daughter was asleep, and it made too much noise...who thought it was a good idea to have loud beeps on exercise equipment? I did not want to wake her up. Then we moved to a small apartment on campus where my husband got a new job. Housing options were limited. My treadmill went into storage. We had a great place to walk, but as I mentioned before, getting my son to come along was like pulling teeth. He was not old enough for me to feel comfortable leaving him, even though we were on a safe college campus. He still needed to mature some more when it came to thinking about safety.
When we moved to a new place this past summer, I thought I would finally have it made. We set up a gym in the spare room in the garage. I would try to bring the kids in there with me and get my son doing a few things. But that did not leave room for me to do a challenging workout. Instead of exercise being a stress reliever, it created more stress. When I left them inside, I always got interrupted by some "crisis" that could not wait. It made it hard to stay motivated. I felt like giving up! I asked myself if all the misses and stress created by me trying to unsuccessfully exercise was really worth it.
Then I remember that I am almost 40, and my kids are young. I want to be strong and healthy as they grow, so I can keep up. I want to be strong and healthy, so I may be able to enjoy grandkids one day. I want to be strong and healthy, so I can be there for my own parents as they get older. I want an active lifestyle, and as my kids get older, it may become easier. Eventually, they can stay home, and I can go without them to do things when they are not interested. Like rock climbing. I miss rock climbing. Every time I go to the city, I drive right past a rock gym and want to go.
Something amazing happened today. I decided to get out to my gym (my impending birthday reminds me I am getting older and have to start making it a priority). And I got in an hour-long workout without interruption. A whole hour! And I feel great! Maybe this will be the start of something new. Maybe the kids are ready to give me the time I need to make this happen at least a few times a week. Maybe not giving up and being willing to keep starting again will have finally paid off.
So if you are struggling with your exercise routine, no matter what the reason or excuse, don't give up on starting again. At least if you are always willing to start again, you maintain a sense of hope, and one day, you will not have to keep starting. Instead, you will keep going. In the meantime, I'll be hoping I will keep going. And maybe I will even be ready for an active summer at the swimming pool this year. Maybe I will even need to buy a new, smaller, swimsuit. If I manage to keep it up, I will share my journey with you in a few months.
So what have been your fitness successes?
As my son got older, we headed to the parks. He loved to play, and I followed him around and joined in. But nature walks were not gonna happen with him. Playing for hours was fine...walking around the block was not. And climbing around on toddler size playground equipment only challenges an adult so much. My son has never had a desire to be physically active by playing sports or running. He is more of an adventure type. He will play actively while acting out his stories. Even when playing video games, he will be on his feet jumping when the character jumps. Unfortunately, he is fast approaching the age where he will start to outgrow this type of play. I plan to make the most of it while I can. That is why it is so important to get our new yard fixed up this spring. We will be putting in a fort/playground. With any luck, we will also manage to get an above ground pool...not great for swimming, but great for active play. We may even get a tether ball. I loved playing with those when I was a kid. Of course, the warm weather will also mean more trampoline time. And my daughter has taken to being active like a fish takes to swimming. She is always running around and dancing. So the kids staying active is kind of taken care of. But where does that leave me?
I have household chores that give me some physical exercise. Sweeping floors, doing laundry, helping the kids pick up their messes, taking out the trash, chopping wood, bringing in 40 pound bags of pellets for the pellet stove, carrying around my daughter, carrying groceries. A lot of moving and lifting. Yard work is just around the corner, and that will help too. It just is not enough.
Did I mention I hate dieting? (I have never really committed to trying to, but I think about it many times). I can make smart choices in the kitchen and grocery store...as long as there are no sweets around. I have a terrible sweet tooth, and it takes a lot for me to just get tired of desserts and treats. The holidays kill me. All of them: Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's, Easter, birthdays. Why do we always celebrate with sweets?!? I would rather not have any sweets around. It is much easier to keep the scale from inching up.
For years, I have tried on and off to get back into the exercise routine. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you know how hard this can be. Kids love to interrupt anything you are doing for yourself. Two years ago, my husband gave me the treadmill I had been wanting. I pretty much never used it because the only time I could was when my daughter was asleep, and it made too much noise...who thought it was a good idea to have loud beeps on exercise equipment? I did not want to wake her up. Then we moved to a small apartment on campus where my husband got a new job. Housing options were limited. My treadmill went into storage. We had a great place to walk, but as I mentioned before, getting my son to come along was like pulling teeth. He was not old enough for me to feel comfortable leaving him, even though we were on a safe college campus. He still needed to mature some more when it came to thinking about safety.
When we moved to a new place this past summer, I thought I would finally have it made. We set up a gym in the spare room in the garage. I would try to bring the kids in there with me and get my son doing a few things. But that did not leave room for me to do a challenging workout. Instead of exercise being a stress reliever, it created more stress. When I left them inside, I always got interrupted by some "crisis" that could not wait. It made it hard to stay motivated. I felt like giving up! I asked myself if all the misses and stress created by me trying to unsuccessfully exercise was really worth it.
Then I remember that I am almost 40, and my kids are young. I want to be strong and healthy as they grow, so I can keep up. I want to be strong and healthy, so I may be able to enjoy grandkids one day. I want to be strong and healthy, so I can be there for my own parents as they get older. I want an active lifestyle, and as my kids get older, it may become easier. Eventually, they can stay home, and I can go without them to do things when they are not interested. Like rock climbing. I miss rock climbing. Every time I go to the city, I drive right past a rock gym and want to go.
Something amazing happened today. I decided to get out to my gym (my impending birthday reminds me I am getting older and have to start making it a priority). And I got in an hour-long workout without interruption. A whole hour! And I feel great! Maybe this will be the start of something new. Maybe the kids are ready to give me the time I need to make this happen at least a few times a week. Maybe not giving up and being willing to keep starting again will have finally paid off.
So if you are struggling with your exercise routine, no matter what the reason or excuse, don't give up on starting again. At least if you are always willing to start again, you maintain a sense of hope, and one day, you will not have to keep starting. Instead, you will keep going. In the meantime, I'll be hoping I will keep going. And maybe I will even be ready for an active summer at the swimming pool this year. Maybe I will even need to buy a new, smaller, swimsuit. If I manage to keep it up, I will share my journey with you in a few months.
So what have been your fitness successes?
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
The hardest thing about being a stay-at-home mom...self-care
When I was pregnant with my son, I read a lot of stuff about being a mom. I remember reading that it was important for me to take care of myself after the baby came. I vowed the one thing I would make sure I did for myself every day is take a shower. I also ate very healthy, but that was more because I was nursing and wanted to shed a few baby pounds. For six months I was successful at this. Then my son became more mobile, and he started eating more solids. And life was getting really mundane. Take care of baby, clean the house, do laundry, figure out dinner, stay inside because it was still like summer...hot and humid, and the baby was to little for me to take to the water (that was how I felt at the time).
Showers became less frequent, and some junk food snuck its way back into my diet. I still managed to reach my pre-pregnancy weight...only to add on a few pounds once I stopped nursing and the holidays came around again. There was not a gym close by, and walks in a stroller were not as easy as walking out the door. We had no sidewalks, and I got myself spooked by the neighborhood I lived in. I did not want to develop a routine of being out the same time all the time. Mostly new mother fears and husband fears.
After awhile, it seems like such an effort to get up, brush my teeth, take a shower, fix my hair, put on some make-up and put on something that matched. What was the point? My husband used to go to work early because he took his older son to school. And he came home late because of evening appointments...nobody can see a counselor during the day it seems. I didn't need to do it for him. He wasn't there to see me before I was run down by the day. My son was probably just going to get my clothes dirty anyway between spit-up, spills, and messy eating. Now that I live out in the country, I know when I will and will not see people. It is so easy to let things slide. The day goes by, and I think back and ask myself "Did I remember to brush my teeth?"
And when I pack on a few pounds, nothing in my wardrobe that is nice fits. Somehow, diapers and new clothes for growing children seems to take priority over getting new clothes for myself. Since we only have one income, I try to be budget conscious. And when I have extra money, I want to get something for the kids...whether it is something they need or want. It is easy to reach for the old t-shirt and cutoff shorts. It's not like I am going to see anyone. When I know I am going to be out, I make a little bit of an effort so I can at least not look like a train wreck. Occasionally, I buy a new t-shirt...only for it to get stained and ruined within just a few weeks. That's why I don't buy nice clothes. My anniversary was in December. I had one thing I could wear out that looked nice and put together. That was depressing!
Exercise is a whole other challenge in itself. I start and stop...mostly because my kids make the routine hard to maintain. They want to get right in the middle of it (or fight with each other and not get along while I am outside in our makeshift gym), and all I want to do is a challenging workout to get my heart rate up and build my strength again. And getting them to join in can be quite exhausting, especially since my son is not naturally inclined to be physically active, and my daughter is only 3. My son can play at the park all day, but the second I want to take a walk, it is too hot or cold or his feet hurt or he is tired. I am at my best for exercise in the morning, but it is like the stars have to be aligned just right for it to happen. In other words, it rarely happens that I get a good solid workout in.
When the days revolve around my kids, it also makes it really hard to pursue personal interests...especially when they are younger. Every time I do something for myself, I get interrupted at least 5 times. I lose my focus and concentration, and I have to put it away for another day. I even like to clean...when I know it will stay that way. Getting the house picked up enough in order to clean can even be frustrating. Kids can be like tornadoes with their toys, and they never want to confine the mess to the rooms because they want to be around others, not off by themselves and alone.
Things I would love to do: keep my house cleaner; sew a few things; decorate/remodel parts of my home; exercise; write more; make my daughter's early years scrapbook; cook and bake new recipes; landscape; exercise several times a week. The number of things I will accomplish on my own before my kids get a little older...probably none.
So if you know a stay-at-home mom, remember there are days she feels she is drowning. There are days she feels she is losing her identity. There are days she wants to put her kids in daycare or school and go back to work just to feel valued. There are days she just needs a helping hand. If you are able, do what you can to support her! She will appreciate it more than you will ever know. All she needs is a little fuel to keep going and stay on her chosen path of being a SAHM.
Showers became less frequent, and some junk food snuck its way back into my diet. I still managed to reach my pre-pregnancy weight...only to add on a few pounds once I stopped nursing and the holidays came around again. There was not a gym close by, and walks in a stroller were not as easy as walking out the door. We had no sidewalks, and I got myself spooked by the neighborhood I lived in. I did not want to develop a routine of being out the same time all the time. Mostly new mother fears and husband fears.
After awhile, it seems like such an effort to get up, brush my teeth, take a shower, fix my hair, put on some make-up and put on something that matched. What was the point? My husband used to go to work early because he took his older son to school. And he came home late because of evening appointments...nobody can see a counselor during the day it seems. I didn't need to do it for him. He wasn't there to see me before I was run down by the day. My son was probably just going to get my clothes dirty anyway between spit-up, spills, and messy eating. Now that I live out in the country, I know when I will and will not see people. It is so easy to let things slide. The day goes by, and I think back and ask myself "Did I remember to brush my teeth?"
And when I pack on a few pounds, nothing in my wardrobe that is nice fits. Somehow, diapers and new clothes for growing children seems to take priority over getting new clothes for myself. Since we only have one income, I try to be budget conscious. And when I have extra money, I want to get something for the kids...whether it is something they need or want. It is easy to reach for the old t-shirt and cutoff shorts. It's not like I am going to see anyone. When I know I am going to be out, I make a little bit of an effort so I can at least not look like a train wreck. Occasionally, I buy a new t-shirt...only for it to get stained and ruined within just a few weeks. That's why I don't buy nice clothes. My anniversary was in December. I had one thing I could wear out that looked nice and put together. That was depressing!
Exercise is a whole other challenge in itself. I start and stop...mostly because my kids make the routine hard to maintain. They want to get right in the middle of it (or fight with each other and not get along while I am outside in our makeshift gym), and all I want to do is a challenging workout to get my heart rate up and build my strength again. And getting them to join in can be quite exhausting, especially since my son is not naturally inclined to be physically active, and my daughter is only 3. My son can play at the park all day, but the second I want to take a walk, it is too hot or cold or his feet hurt or he is tired. I am at my best for exercise in the morning, but it is like the stars have to be aligned just right for it to happen. In other words, it rarely happens that I get a good solid workout in.
When the days revolve around my kids, it also makes it really hard to pursue personal interests...especially when they are younger. Every time I do something for myself, I get interrupted at least 5 times. I lose my focus and concentration, and I have to put it away for another day. I even like to clean...when I know it will stay that way. Getting the house picked up enough in order to clean can even be frustrating. Kids can be like tornadoes with their toys, and they never want to confine the mess to the rooms because they want to be around others, not off by themselves and alone.
Things I would love to do: keep my house cleaner; sew a few things; decorate/remodel parts of my home; exercise; write more; make my daughter's early years scrapbook; cook and bake new recipes; landscape; exercise several times a week. The number of things I will accomplish on my own before my kids get a little older...probably none.
So if you know a stay-at-home mom, remember there are days she feels she is drowning. There are days she feels she is losing her identity. There are days she wants to put her kids in daycare or school and go back to work just to feel valued. There are days she just needs a helping hand. If you are able, do what you can to support her! She will appreciate it more than you will ever know. All she needs is a little fuel to keep going and stay on her chosen path of being a SAHM.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Unschooling...a paradigm shift
I loved school growing up. My sister and I liked playing school at home. I even had a big chalkboard that came in very handy. I looked forward to going every year. I looked forward to seeing what my classes would be like. I can't say I loved homework, but I didn't mind it. I was mostly an A and B student with a very occasional C on my report cards. I was always on the honor roll. And I wanted to be recognized by the National Honor Society. It was crushing to not get in at the same time as some of my friends, but I did get there the following year. In high school, I did a research paper on education and alternatives like vouchers and charter schools. Education reform was the answer to all the world's problems. I considered becoming a teacher so I could make a difference. I strongly believed doing well in high school was crucial to my future. It
helped. I did get a full scholarship to a state school. Even after completing an MA in adult learning, I was certain I wanted to become a professional developer for teachers. Life happens, and my life changed directions.
I had a baby and wanted to stay home. Around the time my son was one, I began homeschooling my step-son. I had already decided I wanted to homeschool my son before he was even born, so it was an interesting challenge to take on. We were trying to get him back on track, and I tried to replicate school as much as I could while trying to use the type of learning style that suited him best with the subjects he had to take. We did this for a little over a year. It was quite an experience. I walked away believing I had three goals for my little boy: read well, write well and get the basics of math down solid. If kids knew these things really well at an early age, then school would be a lot better. If they could not move on until they had these skills, they would be more successful in school.
While my son was still preschool age, I did a lot of reading and research. I did not want to push anything too early. We did not do preschool except for a fun once-a-week homeschool co-op. He also had access to lots of educational shows and computer/internet games. When kindergarten came, my only goals were for him to learn how to write his letters and learn to read. He already knew how to count to 100. I discovered he had already learned to write his letters by games he had played. And his reading came fairly easy (although forced) because he had learned reading readiness skills through the games he had played and all the books I had read over the years. When first grade was about to begin, I did not go out and buy a curriculum. I bought a few workbooks, used the library, stocked up my art supplies, and found some useful websites and computer programs. I laid out a schedule that we followed every day no matter what fighting occurred or how many tears fell. I thought he just needed time to get used to it...until he didn't. Then I changed the routine, and I changed it again, and then again. I was at my wits end! How was my son going to learn everything he needed to if I could not even get him to write his name without a battle? What was I missing?
Of course, this is when I really began to learn about unschooling. It was like a relief when I first read about it. I spent a month letting my son be while I read and read and read about unschooling and other types of eclectic and relaxed homeschooling. Then I decided to take the plunge after talking to my husband. I would give it six months to a year to continue learning and to give my son time and space to see what would happen. Two years later, I am still at it. I have my days of doubt because of the pressures of the world, but I went through a paradigm shift and have a hard time imagining doing things any other way. In fact, I feel like I would be doing my children a disservice to do school again.
March will be the two year mark of my unschooling journey. It is hard to believe that much time has passed. It has had some challenges. My husband and I don't always agree on the results. Those are the times I lose my confidence and question what I am doing. Those are the times I pull out some more schoolish stuff and see what the result is. Those are the times I require book reading or find a reason for my son to write something...anything. Men are so much more results oriented, and it is often a challenge for homeschooling moms who unschool. Their husbands tend to be OK with it as long as progress can be seen and results are evident. But that can be hard to do because you don't always see obvious results. Day in and day out, you see the learning take place, but it does not look like school learning. It looks like life learning.
It truly takes a paradigm shift when choosing to unschool. I can't look at unschooling and expect the same results as I might see in a public school or even a more "traditional" homeschool approach. I can't unschool because I want my kids to have freedom in their learning, but then expect them to cover all the subjects or meet expectations or learning goals. I have to change the way I see learning. When most people say getting a good education is important, they are thinking in terms of public schools. And when public schools fail, they seek alternatives, but they still have the same end goals. Better students...not necessarily better people who are more passionate about their lives.
Unschooling is different. It is a different way of looking at learning. It is about discovering ourselves and becoming passionate individuals about whatever it is that speaks to us. It is about having dreams and figuring out ways to make them a reality. It is about living life without following an arbitrary set of rules or expectations...because that is what everyone else is doing. It is about honoring ourselves and developing our strong skills along with the weak ones as the apply along the journey. There is not a set age to learn to read, write, or even do math. They are skills acquired in order to feed our passions, interests, and needs--not the end goal, like they are in public school. After all, it is almost impossible to get through our world without having a need to read, write, and work with numbers in some form or fashion.
When unschoolers develop an interest in history, it is not to learn a bunch of facts. It can be for any number of reasons, but they will walk away more fulfilled by their experience than most students who learn it in a classroom and get tested on it. As an adult, I appreciate history I learn now way more than I ever did in school, even though I did think it was interesting at the time. I also have a much better idea why anyone should or would even want to study history. The same goes for social studies, government, foreign languages, literature, and so on. But I don't think we are all called to know all these subjects. That becomes apparent when you ask people what they remember from a particular class or what they did learn that they still use. And information we do need is so readily available now that knowing it is not necessary. The concepts may still be important to some but not the details.
Why is it that we all have to be exposed to the exact same information? Even then, it depends on the textbook, the teacher, the school, the state, the decade. My dad may have learned some things I did, but he did not learn everything I learned, nor did I learn everything he did. Education already looks different for every individual. What they take away from it, what they struggle with, how supportive their family is, how busy they are at other things, what their friends do, etc. No one's experience is the same. No one is good at everything, and everyone is good at something. Unschooling capitalizes on that individuality. My brother would have spent all day in shop class if it had been up to him. And he would not have felt he had a wasted education all through high school. Yet, as an adult, he finds history and science he sees on television interesting. And he discovered he needed to know some math when he went into the electronics field, which he learned. But in high school, the learning did not fit an immediate need, so he felt it was a waste. And he walked away from school with a bad taste in his mouth. How sad is it that any kid walks away hating the opportunity to learn new things?
Many parents fear the idea of unschooling because they fear their kids not being able to read. Even if they learn to read because of a video game, they still learn to read. Even if they never pick up a novel and read it, they will still know how to read enough to get them the information they want. Reading and comprehension is not the only way to develop critical thinking skills. Parents also fear they will not learn math. Many kids hate math at an early age. What would happen if they were able to explore it at their leisure, and when they thought they were ready, they dove in? We might have more people interested in STEM fields because they would not have been intimidated by the math component. I never took chemistry or physics in high school because of how hard the teacher was. What would have happened if I or any number of students could have taken it in an exploratory way? Maybe nothing would have changed, but maybe more kids would have sought out more scientific fields rather than following a different path. Maybe they needed a taste of it without fearing math. I know algebra and calculus were a breeze in college compared to when I took them in high school, and not because I had already taken them. Somewhere along the way, my brain was ready for it. But not in high school.
Of course, most states have homeschool standards, and some require testing or portfolios or interviews with approved teachers (mine does not). As an unschooler, I can't throw everything out the window and let my kids do what they want all day without some lead or direction from me. But I can have a completely different attitude and perspective about learning. That, however, takes a change in ideology, at least to a point. I have to find value in the act of learning itself. I have to see how school subjects are learned through everyday learning and life. I have to stop believing what I learned in school is important for my kids to learn. I have to see that living an abundant life is enough to learn what is needed until they seek out careers and know what they will need to know to pursue those careers. If I can keep a child curious and seeking more, as long as it is not harmful or truly addictive (many people think things are an addiction when it is not really the case), then they will learn how to learn. They will find a need to read. They will eventually learn to manage money, pay bills, and follow a recipe in the kitchen. They may one day have to pull out a tape measure so they can figure out how much paint is needed for a room. Because they know how to learn, they will know how to learn these things too, and a lot more quickly because there will be an immediate need.
Is unschooling a perfect fix for all things educational? Maybe. At the same time, what it takes to successfully unschool is for parents to be involved and partner with their kids. Because of that and seeing the dynamics of the modern family, it would not likely work in many households. It requires trusting the process. It requires trusting our kids. It requires our kids trusting us. It requires a change in the way we parent. But in an ideal world, it is the ideal solution. In our current world, it would make a difference for many because so many do not fit into the mold of what the education system has deemed to be right. In our current world, it may be what keeps curiosity about learning alive. Learning should not be so complicated. After all, it comes naturally. We are wired to be curious, to try, to learn. When it becomes complicated, we have to consider what we might be doing wrong.
I had a baby and wanted to stay home. Around the time my son was one, I began homeschooling my step-son. I had already decided I wanted to homeschool my son before he was even born, so it was an interesting challenge to take on. We were trying to get him back on track, and I tried to replicate school as much as I could while trying to use the type of learning style that suited him best with the subjects he had to take. We did this for a little over a year. It was quite an experience. I walked away believing I had three goals for my little boy: read well, write well and get the basics of math down solid. If kids knew these things really well at an early age, then school would be a lot better. If they could not move on until they had these skills, they would be more successful in school.
While my son was still preschool age, I did a lot of reading and research. I did not want to push anything too early. We did not do preschool except for a fun once-a-week homeschool co-op. He also had access to lots of educational shows and computer/internet games. When kindergarten came, my only goals were for him to learn how to write his letters and learn to read. He already knew how to count to 100. I discovered he had already learned to write his letters by games he had played. And his reading came fairly easy (although forced) because he had learned reading readiness skills through the games he had played and all the books I had read over the years. When first grade was about to begin, I did not go out and buy a curriculum. I bought a few workbooks, used the library, stocked up my art supplies, and found some useful websites and computer programs. I laid out a schedule that we followed every day no matter what fighting occurred or how many tears fell. I thought he just needed time to get used to it...until he didn't. Then I changed the routine, and I changed it again, and then again. I was at my wits end! How was my son going to learn everything he needed to if I could not even get him to write his name without a battle? What was I missing?
Of course, this is when I really began to learn about unschooling. It was like a relief when I first read about it. I spent a month letting my son be while I read and read and read about unschooling and other types of eclectic and relaxed homeschooling. Then I decided to take the plunge after talking to my husband. I would give it six months to a year to continue learning and to give my son time and space to see what would happen. Two years later, I am still at it. I have my days of doubt because of the pressures of the world, but I went through a paradigm shift and have a hard time imagining doing things any other way. In fact, I feel like I would be doing my children a disservice to do school again.
March will be the two year mark of my unschooling journey. It is hard to believe that much time has passed. It has had some challenges. My husband and I don't always agree on the results. Those are the times I lose my confidence and question what I am doing. Those are the times I pull out some more schoolish stuff and see what the result is. Those are the times I require book reading or find a reason for my son to write something...anything. Men are so much more results oriented, and it is often a challenge for homeschooling moms who unschool. Their husbands tend to be OK with it as long as progress can be seen and results are evident. But that can be hard to do because you don't always see obvious results. Day in and day out, you see the learning take place, but it does not look like school learning. It looks like life learning.
It truly takes a paradigm shift when choosing to unschool. I can't look at unschooling and expect the same results as I might see in a public school or even a more "traditional" homeschool approach. I can't unschool because I want my kids to have freedom in their learning, but then expect them to cover all the subjects or meet expectations or learning goals. I have to change the way I see learning. When most people say getting a good education is important, they are thinking in terms of public schools. And when public schools fail, they seek alternatives, but they still have the same end goals. Better students...not necessarily better people who are more passionate about their lives.
Unschooling is different. It is a different way of looking at learning. It is about discovering ourselves and becoming passionate individuals about whatever it is that speaks to us. It is about having dreams and figuring out ways to make them a reality. It is about living life without following an arbitrary set of rules or expectations...because that is what everyone else is doing. It is about honoring ourselves and developing our strong skills along with the weak ones as the apply along the journey. There is not a set age to learn to read, write, or even do math. They are skills acquired in order to feed our passions, interests, and needs--not the end goal, like they are in public school. After all, it is almost impossible to get through our world without having a need to read, write, and work with numbers in some form or fashion.
When unschoolers develop an interest in history, it is not to learn a bunch of facts. It can be for any number of reasons, but they will walk away more fulfilled by their experience than most students who learn it in a classroom and get tested on it. As an adult, I appreciate history I learn now way more than I ever did in school, even though I did think it was interesting at the time. I also have a much better idea why anyone should or would even want to study history. The same goes for social studies, government, foreign languages, literature, and so on. But I don't think we are all called to know all these subjects. That becomes apparent when you ask people what they remember from a particular class or what they did learn that they still use. And information we do need is so readily available now that knowing it is not necessary. The concepts may still be important to some but not the details.
Why is it that we all have to be exposed to the exact same information? Even then, it depends on the textbook, the teacher, the school, the state, the decade. My dad may have learned some things I did, but he did not learn everything I learned, nor did I learn everything he did. Education already looks different for every individual. What they take away from it, what they struggle with, how supportive their family is, how busy they are at other things, what their friends do, etc. No one's experience is the same. No one is good at everything, and everyone is good at something. Unschooling capitalizes on that individuality. My brother would have spent all day in shop class if it had been up to him. And he would not have felt he had a wasted education all through high school. Yet, as an adult, he finds history and science he sees on television interesting. And he discovered he needed to know some math when he went into the electronics field, which he learned. But in high school, the learning did not fit an immediate need, so he felt it was a waste. And he walked away from school with a bad taste in his mouth. How sad is it that any kid walks away hating the opportunity to learn new things?
Many parents fear the idea of unschooling because they fear their kids not being able to read. Even if they learn to read because of a video game, they still learn to read. Even if they never pick up a novel and read it, they will still know how to read enough to get them the information they want. Reading and comprehension is not the only way to develop critical thinking skills. Parents also fear they will not learn math. Many kids hate math at an early age. What would happen if they were able to explore it at their leisure, and when they thought they were ready, they dove in? We might have more people interested in STEM fields because they would not have been intimidated by the math component. I never took chemistry or physics in high school because of how hard the teacher was. What would have happened if I or any number of students could have taken it in an exploratory way? Maybe nothing would have changed, but maybe more kids would have sought out more scientific fields rather than following a different path. Maybe they needed a taste of it without fearing math. I know algebra and calculus were a breeze in college compared to when I took them in high school, and not because I had already taken them. Somewhere along the way, my brain was ready for it. But not in high school.
Of course, most states have homeschool standards, and some require testing or portfolios or interviews with approved teachers (mine does not). As an unschooler, I can't throw everything out the window and let my kids do what they want all day without some lead or direction from me. But I can have a completely different attitude and perspective about learning. That, however, takes a change in ideology, at least to a point. I have to find value in the act of learning itself. I have to see how school subjects are learned through everyday learning and life. I have to stop believing what I learned in school is important for my kids to learn. I have to see that living an abundant life is enough to learn what is needed until they seek out careers and know what they will need to know to pursue those careers. If I can keep a child curious and seeking more, as long as it is not harmful or truly addictive (many people think things are an addiction when it is not really the case), then they will learn how to learn. They will find a need to read. They will eventually learn to manage money, pay bills, and follow a recipe in the kitchen. They may one day have to pull out a tape measure so they can figure out how much paint is needed for a room. Because they know how to learn, they will know how to learn these things too, and a lot more quickly because there will be an immediate need.
Is unschooling a perfect fix for all things educational? Maybe. At the same time, what it takes to successfully unschool is for parents to be involved and partner with their kids. Because of that and seeing the dynamics of the modern family, it would not likely work in many households. It requires trusting the process. It requires trusting our kids. It requires our kids trusting us. It requires a change in the way we parent. But in an ideal world, it is the ideal solution. In our current world, it would make a difference for many because so many do not fit into the mold of what the education system has deemed to be right. In our current world, it may be what keeps curiosity about learning alive. Learning should not be so complicated. After all, it comes naturally. We are wired to be curious, to try, to learn. When it becomes complicated, we have to consider what we might be doing wrong.
I watch my kids every day, and I see no dread in their eyes. They have full lives that are just busy enough. They are fascinated by new things they learn, and they don't see everything they learn through the lense of school subjects. It does not mean they don't have a well rounded education. In fact, they may have a more rounded education because they are more open new experiences. They don't see learning as something done in school. They see it as something natural...a normal part of life.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
New Year's resolutions...hmmm
It is that time of year again. The very busy holidays are over, and my mind is on next month. Decorating for the holidays, baking, shopping, and having company occupied my every thought. Things are slowing down now, and I can catch my breath. My routines are out of whack, and I look forward to evaluating the last year and laying down plans for the next year.
I want to take a closer look at how we spend our time during the day. With my husband being away at work more consistently this semester, I need to make sure we are using our time wisely and not kicking back too much. While I may have become an unschooler in the education realm of our lives and to some extent outside of it, I feel almost like we are slacking. I don't have a list of expectations or standards. I don't believe my kids are "behind." I do feel our lives have become uneventful and in some ways unfocused when it comes to what really matters. I feel like I am not giving enough to the unschooling approach. I have been too focused on getting settled after the move. I have been trying to get my house in order and organized. I have put some really important things too low on the priority list.
That is what I love about the new year. It gives us an excuse to start fresh and to do things differently. Many make new year's resolutions. I can't say that is what I am looking for. I just want a new perspective. And the first place that will happen is putting things back in place after the Christmas decorations come down. Since we have not yet decorated our home the way we want it, it gives me a blank canvas to imagine and experiment. It also motivates me to reorganize and change what has not been working as far a where things are. Six months living in our new place has given me a chance to think a lot about it, and I am ready to shake a few things up, although I need some downtime to consider what I want to do.
When is comes to my kids, I want to get back into our reading routines. It has been too easy to let this slide with everything else going on and the kids being involved in other things. But I believe they are missing out on a lot, so I need to get this back. And it is something they enjoy too. I need to play more preschool songs for my daughter. She loves to sing and dance, and I am not doing enough to engage with her on this. I need to pull out the board games my son so loves to play and get back to enjoying spending time with him instead of just taking care of him. I need to dive into Cub Scout stuff. It has been a rough year for it, so I have not been very committed. And while my son enjoys it, he does not ask to do it. I also need to step out into our new community and become more connected and involved. 4-H has been a good start, but I need to do more. (hmmm, I am noticing a pattern of things I "need" to do...nothing like putting pressure and stress on myself!)
I don't do well with making things happen without planning. I prefer to at least have a tentative weekly schedule. It helps me stay focused and use my time more wisely. It gives me direction and a goal of sorts. It helps me think about what I want to accomplish. I think my resolution for this year will have to be going back to using a calendar. It helps me get my household chores done. It helps me plan meals. It helps me stick to a routine. It helps me see what I have planned for the kids. It helps me be accountable to something. It can be easy to get lost in just being mom without it. But with planning, our lives can be more enriching and experiential. Of course, keeping it updated is the real challenge, but hopefully I can find the commitment to stick with it because it will have such a positive impact on our lives.
What do you plan to do differently this coming year?
I want to take a closer look at how we spend our time during the day. With my husband being away at work more consistently this semester, I need to make sure we are using our time wisely and not kicking back too much. While I may have become an unschooler in the education realm of our lives and to some extent outside of it, I feel almost like we are slacking. I don't have a list of expectations or standards. I don't believe my kids are "behind." I do feel our lives have become uneventful and in some ways unfocused when it comes to what really matters. I feel like I am not giving enough to the unschooling approach. I have been too focused on getting settled after the move. I have been trying to get my house in order and organized. I have put some really important things too low on the priority list.
That is what I love about the new year. It gives us an excuse to start fresh and to do things differently. Many make new year's resolutions. I can't say that is what I am looking for. I just want a new perspective. And the first place that will happen is putting things back in place after the Christmas decorations come down. Since we have not yet decorated our home the way we want it, it gives me a blank canvas to imagine and experiment. It also motivates me to reorganize and change what has not been working as far a where things are. Six months living in our new place has given me a chance to think a lot about it, and I am ready to shake a few things up, although I need some downtime to consider what I want to do.
When is comes to my kids, I want to get back into our reading routines. It has been too easy to let this slide with everything else going on and the kids being involved in other things. But I believe they are missing out on a lot, so I need to get this back. And it is something they enjoy too. I need to play more preschool songs for my daughter. She loves to sing and dance, and I am not doing enough to engage with her on this. I need to pull out the board games my son so loves to play and get back to enjoying spending time with him instead of just taking care of him. I need to dive into Cub Scout stuff. It has been a rough year for it, so I have not been very committed. And while my son enjoys it, he does not ask to do it. I also need to step out into our new community and become more connected and involved. 4-H has been a good start, but I need to do more. (hmmm, I am noticing a pattern of things I "need" to do...nothing like putting pressure and stress on myself!)
I don't do well with making things happen without planning. I prefer to at least have a tentative weekly schedule. It helps me stay focused and use my time more wisely. It gives me direction and a goal of sorts. It helps me think about what I want to accomplish. I think my resolution for this year will have to be going back to using a calendar. It helps me get my household chores done. It helps me plan meals. It helps me stick to a routine. It helps me see what I have planned for the kids. It helps me be accountable to something. It can be easy to get lost in just being mom without it. But with planning, our lives can be more enriching and experiential. Of course, keeping it updated is the real challenge, but hopefully I can find the commitment to stick with it because it will have such a positive impact on our lives.
What do you plan to do differently this coming year?
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