When I was pregnant with my son, I read a lot of stuff about being a mom. I remember reading that it was important for me to take care of myself after the baby came. I vowed the one thing I would make sure I did for myself every day is take a shower. I also ate very healthy, but that was more because I was nursing and wanted to shed a few baby pounds. For six months I was successful at this. Then my son became more mobile, and he started eating more solids. And life was getting really mundane. Take care of baby, clean the house, do laundry, figure out dinner, stay inside because it was still like summer...hot and humid, and the baby was to little for me to take to the water (that was how I felt at the time).
Showers became less frequent, and some junk food snuck its way back into my diet. I still managed to reach my pre-pregnancy weight...only to add on a few pounds once I stopped nursing and the holidays came around again. There was not a gym close by, and walks in a stroller were not as easy as walking out the door. We had no sidewalks, and I got myself spooked by the neighborhood I lived in. I did not want to develop a routine of being out the same time all the time. Mostly new mother fears and husband fears.
After awhile, it seems like such an effort to get up, brush my teeth, take a shower, fix my hair, put on some make-up and put on something that matched. What was the point? My husband used to go to work early because he took his older son to school. And he came home late because of evening appointments...nobody can see a counselor during the day it seems. I didn't need to do it for him. He wasn't there to see me before I was run down by the day. My son was probably just going to get my clothes dirty anyway between spit-up, spills, and messy eating. Now that I live out in the country, I know when I will and will not see people. It is so easy to let things slide. The day goes by, and I think back and ask myself "Did I remember to brush my teeth?"
And when I pack on a few pounds, nothing in my wardrobe that is nice fits. Somehow, diapers and new clothes for growing children seems to take priority over getting new clothes for myself. Since we only have one income, I try to be budget conscious. And when I have extra money, I want to get something for the kids...whether it is something they need or want. It is easy to reach for the old t-shirt and cutoff shorts. It's not like I am going to see anyone. When I know I am going to be out, I make a little bit of an effort so I can at least not look like a train wreck. Occasionally, I buy a new t-shirt...only for it to get stained and ruined within just a few weeks. That's why I don't buy nice clothes. My anniversary was in December. I had one thing I could wear out that looked nice and put together. That was depressing!
Exercise is a whole other challenge in itself. I start and stop...mostly because my kids make the routine hard to maintain. They want to get right in the middle of it (or fight with each other and not get along while I am outside in our makeshift gym), and all I want to do is a challenging workout to get my heart rate up and build my strength again. And getting them to join in can be quite exhausting, especially since my son is not naturally inclined to be physically active, and my daughter is only 3. My son can play at the park all day, but the second I want to take a walk, it is too hot or cold or his feet hurt or he is tired. I am at my best for exercise in the morning, but it is like the stars have to be aligned just right for it to happen. In other words, it rarely happens that I get a good solid workout in.
When the days revolve around my kids, it also makes it really hard to pursue personal interests...especially when they are younger. Every time I do something for myself, I get interrupted at least 5 times. I lose my focus and concentration, and I have to put it away for another day. I even like to clean...when I know it will stay that way. Getting the house picked up enough in order to clean can even be frustrating. Kids can be like tornadoes with their toys, and they never want to confine the mess to the rooms because they want to be around others, not off by themselves and alone.
Things I would love to do: keep my house cleaner; sew a few things; decorate/remodel parts of my home; exercise; write more; make my daughter's early years scrapbook; cook and bake new recipes; landscape; exercise several times a week. The number of things I will accomplish on my own before my kids get a little older...probably none.
So if you know a stay-at-home mom, remember there are days she feels she is drowning. There are days she feels she is losing her identity. There are days she wants to put her kids in daycare or school and go back to work just to feel valued. There are days she just needs a helping hand. If you are able, do what you can to support her! She will appreciate it more than you will ever know. All she needs is a little fuel to keep going and stay on her chosen path of being a SAHM.
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