Two peas in a pod...sort of

I got a visit from my dad yesterday.  We sat down in my living room and chatted for all of fifteen minutes.  Then I heard a noise from the bathroom.  Uh oh, what was she getting into now?  I rushed to the bathroom only to see my daughter try to figure out how to get the nail polish off her nails.  She had managed to get a hold of my red nail polish and paint all her nails...and toes.  She also got it a few other places.  I have to give her credit for trying several things to solve her problem.  Towels, toys, hand sanitizer.  All while being very quiet.  This has to be why parents love the open floor plan so much.  You notice these little disasters before they get out of hand.  Luckily, I got most of the polish off of everything.  But this story has left its permanent mark and will be remembered for years to come....

This is my daughter most days.  She is independent and wants to do everything self, whether she should be doing it or not.  I thought my days of safety locks were over.  My son never did things like this, so I never had to worry.  He was consistent in what he got into, and it was always the things that I was ok with him getting into.  If she wants something, and I don't get it for her, or I am taking too long, she finds a way to do it herself, even if it means climbing furniture.  I'm going to have to anchor everything to the wall.  My son did not climb things, so I never had to worry.  I have to keep a life vest on my daughter around the water because she will just jump in.  My son had no problem being in a tube and staying close to me at her age.  She is much more interested in things like arts and crafts, and my son barely pick up a crayon and colored until he was 5.  She jumps in and helps me clean stuff while it is like pulling teeth to get my son to do the same thing.

Just when I think they could not be more different, they act exactly the same.  She wants what he wants.  She wants to play everything he wants to play and loves Mario as much as he does.  They watch the same shows on tv, and she likes Spider-man and Batman and the bad guys like Joker.  They want to play the same games on the computer.  She loves puzzles just like he did.  She loves dinosaurs and cars just like he did.  And while she likes her dolls and kitchen too, she fits right in with her brother.

They pester each other and get mad at each other for the same reasons.  Then they turn around and love on each other like crazy.  They sing together, chase each other, and play in the sandbox together.  While she is a picky eater, she is not a polar opposite of her brother, so it is not hard to get her to eat many of the same things.  They are both social and love to play with other kids and are not shy about meeting new kids anywhere.  They both can get spitting mad at the drop of a hat.  Oh, and they both love telling mommy NO!....but that is a different blog.

It is crazy how kids can be so different yet so much alike.  I have a twin sister who was my best friend growing up, even though we referred to each other distinctly as sisters.  We always played together.  We also fought A LOT.  Those fights often got to the point where we pulled each others hair and screamed one second and were laughing hysterically the next second.  We had different favorite colors and styles.  We had different favorite toys.  Even though we had a lot in common, we were also very different.

When it comes to raising kids, we have to remember their individuality.  We cannot in fairness compare siblings (although it does help us realize how different they are, no matter how you try to raise or influence them).  Each is a separate and special creation.  Each one has a different gift to the world.  As parents, we need to help our kids create strong bonds with each other while fostering their individual needs and personalities.  That is the biggest reason I like the unschooling concept.  I can individualize each child's experience in a way that helps them grow the most.  It forces me to see my children as unique.  And while I could take the same approach to learning for both, it could hinder them becoming who they are destined to become.  I spend a lot of time observing and paying attention to my kids so I can meet their needs.  Am I perfect at it?  Not by a long shot.  But the more awareness I have in my actions and choices in how I raise and educate them, the more effective I will be over the long-term.

Unschooling also pushes me to grow as an individual.  It pushes me to think about what they really need to know as an adult verses what others think would be good to know going into adulthood.  It pushes me to evaluate the value of education the "traditional" way verses unconventional methods.  It makes me question how the education system operates and the motives behind the beast.  I am fortunate to have the chance to educate my children and have a supportive husband who trusts me to do what is best for our kids.  Some families cannot for various reasons.  Many do not want to, which I also understand.  But that does not mean some of the philosophies of unschooling can't still apply. 

Allowing kids to explore their interests in-depth is a good way to start.  If they are in school all day, they have already had someone telling them over and over what they need to learn.  As parents, we can best help our kids discover themselves by valuing their interests no matter how much of a waste of time we think they are.  When given some freedom and access to resources and a supportive attitude, our kids can maintain their curiosity and desire to learn.  Kids can learn some pretty unexpected things from unexpected sources when given the chance.  We can also stop and listen to them more without judgement.  When we make listening to their crazy stories and ideas important, it shows they are valued.  When we interact with them and help them when they need something, it shows their ideas are important, and they will come up with more.  It might seem like child's play to us, but even the great inventors were children at one point.  How do you think their parents guided them?  How do you think they became great?  I doubt they were told their ideas were stupid or a waste of time.  I bet they also had a lot of freedom.

Another great thing to do for your kids is simplify life.  As fun as it may be to be involved in little league, dance, gymnastics, choir, music lessons, Cub Scouts, Awana, etc., kids need downtime. They already lose some of their free time with homework, chores, running errands, dinner, bedtime routines, etc. They need time to deschool each day.  They need time to chill so their brains can relax and switch gears to thinking about what they are interested in or fascinated by.  Sometimes it takes watching silly shows on tv, reading a magazine, or playing a video game.  However, when kids are given what they need without feeling their time is being controlled, they are more likely to spend less time doing the stuff we may see as a waste of time and more time exploring what interests them.  And it is ok for kids to be doing nothing at all.  It is ok for them to be bored.  They likely won't stay that way for long, unless they are accustomed to being spoon-fed every idea and activity.  If they are, it may be time to sit down and join them in an activity, whether it be playing a board game, throwing a ball, or painting pictures (without checking Pinterest for ideas).

I love my children and their differences.  I am reminded every day, that while they are plenty alike, they are also to very distinct individuals.  I have choices as a parent.  I can force them to do the same things and make life "easier," or I can put in the extra effort and see them for who they are, not who I want them to be.  With it being summer time, this is the perfect time to do just that.  Give them freedom, keep things simple, and support their crazy ideas...as long as it doesn't include jumping off the house and flying like Superman....