When I became a mom for the first time, I read all the books. I knew the developmental stages from college. I knew the right and wrong ways to do things. I knew what my parents did seemed to work. After all, my brother, my sister and I turned out fine. I knew all the things I was supposed to do to have well-behaved kids. Be consistent. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Follow a schedule. Let them cry it out. Have them sleep in their own beds. Use time-outs. The list goes on.
I never planned to have a c-section. I never planned to co-sleep. I never planned to nurse beyond a year. I never planned on having a strong-willed or spirited son. But life happens. And rarely the way you planned. As a toddler, my son was happy as could be 90% of the time. It was that 10% that made up for it. If he had it set in his mind not to do something, he did not do it. It had to become his idea, which could take as long as 45 minutes at 18 months. I know what you are thinking. Pick him up and make him. He is the child, you are the adult. I did that, along with every other tactic I could think of. And I have done that for almost 8 years now (although the last couple of years, I have tried to take a more gentle approach, until I get frustrated, I still have a lot to learn!). He is still the same happy, imaginative child who wants it HIS way. When he gets mad, watch out! Thankfully he is older now, so there is some reasoning to work with, but it can take a long time to get him to come around. Raising Your Spirited Child was the book that helped me see spirited children in a whole new way. I am thankful for that book...now if only I could remember where it is in our storage unit.
My son is loud. He gets lost in his own world all the time. He is sensitive to physical touch--tickling, scratching the back, play-fighting--none of it can last for long before it starts to really bother him. He is loving and affectionate. He knows how to speak his mind. He is relentless and persistent. He is an extrovert. He loves to learn on his own terms. He hates to be alone. He loves to be the leader (although he doesn't quite understand leaders must also be able to follow!). He has a hard time sitting or standing still. He makes every request a challenge. He is extremely emotional when things don't go his way. He will challenge everything you say with why and won't let up until he gets an answer. It can be quite exhausting, but I would not want him any other way. These characteristics will help pave his way into the future, and he won't let anyone stand in his way.
These characteristics also make him an ideal unschooling child. He would "never" make it in a regular classroom. He would be the daydreamer. He would be the kid always talking to his neighbor. He would be the one that never did his homework and never did assignments in class unless it interested him. He wants to make his own path. With unschooling, he is able to do so. And I get the privilege of watching him discover his own journey through life instead of one someone else has laid out for him.
Do you have your own strong-willed or spirited child? How do you make it work while honoring who he or she is?
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